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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30038967">Window to the Seoul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyPaeonia/pseuds/PrettyPaeonia'>PrettyPaeonia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NU'EST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aaron is a good hyung, Aaron is also done with Mingi's shit, And very out of his element, He also gets adopted by four idiots who he loves very much, Jonghyun is bad with feelings, Jonghyun is blind, M/M, Multi, NU'EST 9th Anniversary, Polyamory, Slow Burn, There's coffee shops and painting, With a sprinkling of angst because I'm still me, but they're so in love, more like a crawl honestly, this is the softest thing I've ever written in my life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:35:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,851</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30038967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyPaeonia/pseuds/PrettyPaeonia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Living alone for the first time was never easy, especially when you're legally blind and have moved to one of the busiest cities in the world to start your new life.</p>
<p>Jonghyun expected things to be difficult.</p>
<p>He didn't expect to catch feelings for his four neighbours who have decided to take him under their wing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Minki | Ren/Hwang Minhyun/Kang Dongho | Baekho/Kim Jonghyun | JR/Aaron Kwak | Aron</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Daybreak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy 9th Anniversary to NU'EST&lt;3 I could be incredibly sappy here, I've already cried over them a few times and we're only 20 minutes into the anniversary as I'm typing this up, but I will try to keep it as short as possible.</p>
<p>Every painful moment, every moment of uncertainty and fear, every anxiety that each comeback will be their last, has been worth it. I've never regretted having NU'EST as my ultimate group, and that's never going to change.</p>
<p>I'm not blind myself, and I did do quite a bit of research before I started writing this fic, so I hope I did it justice. I have loads of notes about Jonghyun's specific condition and little nuances, a lot of which probably won't end up in the story, but it's there somewhere if I need it! Enjoy the sappiest thing I've ever written. There's going to be 9 chapters, and I'm currently writing chapter 6 as this gets uploaded so I'm a little ahead. Expect a chapter a week until it's all here, and enjoy the soft, fluffy ride&lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jonghyun stepped through the door of his new apartment, he didn’t know whether to let out a sigh of relief or to immediately start working. </p>
<p>He was the last to arrive, the movers had already dropped all of his boxes off in various places around the open plan space, and really before he did anything he should start unpacking. He should start mapping out the mental image he’d need to navigate his own home… but he was exhausted. Travelling from Gangneung-si, alone, to Seoul had taken more energy from him than he’d expected it to. It wasn’t the first time he’d travelled alone, but being without his older sisters was…difficult. Especially taking this leap of faith, alone in a city he didn’t know, with only his cane and pride to guide him.</p>
<p>Of course, it had been his own choice to move away from his family home. He wanted to be more independent, to no longer be the baby of the family even at 20 years old. He was an adult now, and despite his difficulties, he wanted to map out his own way in life. </p>
<p>But that meant being productive and actually unpacking all the boxes and furniture he’d brought with him, and that felt like an impossible task while his limbs ached and his eyes stung from the bright lights and musky air from public transport.</p>
<p>Regardless, he could tell from just his limited vision that he’d have to do something. He could see the blurred, shapeless forms of the boxes stacked everywhere. Even on his couch that the movers had put together for him had boxes on, and he wouldn’t be able to sit and be comfortable for a while. </p>
<p>So, with a deep sigh, Jonghyun decided he better get as much as he could done. He didn’t have to do all of it, after all. He was free to take his time unpacking. Who was going to judge him anyway? He lived alone now. Neither of his Noonas were there to scold him for leaving his stuff anywhere, or guide him to put them away. It was his own responsibility now. </p>
<p>He wondered if he called them, would they come over and help him unpack?</p>
<p>They definitely, 100% wouldn’t.</p>
<p>Giving a small chuckle to himself, Jonghyun walked towards the window, rolling his cane in front of him to prevent himself tripping over any unseen boxes. He was excited for the day where he wouldn’t need his cane to move around his own home, and he knew it would probably take a while until he could get to that point. It had taken over a year for him to be able to do it at his parents’ place, and even if he knew his O&amp;M skills had improved greatly since he was 16 years old, trying to navigate in a world of nothing but coloured blobs speckled in his vision, he knew better than to expect too much of himself. That only ever ended up in tears.</p>
<p>Feeling the vibrations of his rolling marshmallow top tapping against the side of a box, Jonghyun lowered himself down onto the floor and pulled the tape from the cardboard, exposing the insides. It appeared to be filled with various knick knacks, things he probably wouldn’t have brought with him if he’d thought about it probably. They weren’t exactly… needed. But each one was sentimental. Whether it was a cool action figure from his visioned past, or a workbook from his time in school that he wasn’t able to read anymore. They held memories, and even if they would only take up space, it was still important to him to keep them. They brought him joy and warmth in a world that had tried to pull it all away from him so many times.</p>
<p>Pulling out one of the items in the box, Jonghyun ran his fingers over the bright blue plastic. He couldn’t see it, but he could feel the indents of the manufactured muscles of the figure, his fingertips rough over the scuffed material of where one of his sisters had thrown it in frustration after tripping over it for the 5th time in a day. He could feel where one, bright red but smaller piece had been melted into place to form a helmet, the texture of it a little different, almost like wood, but colder against his fingers. </p>
<p>He felt the tears welling up in his eyes, and he quickly wiped them away as if they made his vision any worse. He didn’t have time to get nostalgic and sad over an action figure. If he sat and reminisced over every single thing he’d brought with him, it would take him a decade to get all the boxes unpacked.</p>
<p>So for a while, he sat, sorting through the box as best he could. The brightest, more colourful things were placed in a pile to his right, to go on display once he had his shelves up. The duller, but no less sentimental things went in a pile to his left, to be packed back away for safe keeping. It wasn’t that they meant less to him, but colour brought joy to his life. Colour was all he could see, and being surrounded by it made him feel less bleak. Especially somewhere as anxiety inducing as Seoul.</p>
<p>He wasn’t entirely sure why he felt one of the busiest places in all of South Korea was the smartest choice for him, a legally blind man, to live alone for the first time. Maybe it was the possibility of more sales of his artwork, maybe it was for the change in air. Or maybe he was just an idiot who was in too far over his head.</p>
<p>With the box empty and separated into two piles, Jonghyun began carefully placing the left pile back into the container, back out of the way where he wouldn’t trip on it. Then, he went on to the next box.</p>
<p>Before he knew it, he’d emptied 5 or 6 boxes and had found space for at least half of the items he’d unpacked from them. Some of the things resting on top of cabinets that had been brought in put together for him, other things resting on top of boxes that had been unpacked but were once again filled with things that didn’t have a place yet. But everything had a place for now, and Jonghyun felt a little proud about his handiwork. But now, his stomach growled beneath his shirt, a little nausea rising from just how hungry he’d found himself. Glancing towards the small kitchen area in his apartment, dread joined the hunger in his stomach. </p>
<p>He didn’t have any food in yet. He’d meant to order an online delivery of a grocery order before arriving, but since he didn’t know what time he’d be getting to his new home, he’d decided against it, not wanting to miss the order slot by not even being there yet. He could order takeout, but he didn’t know which ones in the area were any good, and sometimes, if the take away place was especially small, their descriptions for what his phone would read out to him would be wrong, and he’d end up with something completely different to what he’d expected to order.</p>
<p>He’d have to leave to go and find a convenience store to get something to get him through the night before he ordered his groceries for the next day, but that meant leaving. It was dark outside now, which just made navigation so much harder for him. When the sun set, he may as well have no vision at all. Colours didn’t show in the light of the moon, the streetlights were nothing but too-bright orbs of white that stung his eyes, made them burn and water. He hated going out at night, especially alone. But he couldn’t go without eating either.</p>
<p>Maybe he should have gotten food before spending hours unpacking, but hindsight was 20/20, and there was nothing he could do about it now.</p>
<p>Glancing around himself, Jonghyun found the hot pink that indicated his cane to him, grabbing it with ease as he stood and scoped out the area in front of him, making sure he definitely hadn’t left anything lying around he could trip on. Feeling nothing, he took a few purposeful strides towards the door that lead to the hallway. Then he stopped, turning on his heel and walking back towards the window. Hesitating a second, Jonghyun turned and started towards the door again, only to stop with a frustrated sigh.</p>
<p>“Aish…” He grumbled to himself, reaching up his free hand to run through his hair. It shouldn’t be that difficult, walking out of his apartment to find a store. That’s all he had to do. People did it every day without any issues. He just had to… walk out and grab some food from a store. He was in Seoul, there was no way there wouldn’t be a store close enough nearby. He just had to find one, that’s all.</p>
<p>He knew he had every reason to be anxious. Even someone able bodied would probably be nervous to walk around Seoul in the dark for the first time, but it didn’t do anything for his ego and pride to be this unable to leave his own apartment. His sisters were trusting him to be able to survive alone without their guidance, and surviving alone meant not starving himself on the first day. He thought about ringing one of them, asking them to look up the nearest store and give him directions over the phone so he didn’t feel so alone, but he knew that would be more dangerous than just putting it into Naver Maps. His sister wouldn’t know if he’d made a wrong turn and found his way down a shady alley, the GPS service would and would be able to turn him around again.</p>
<p>With a final deep breath, Jonghyun pulled the door to his apartment open, taking those final few steps needed to leave the safe space his apartment had become in just a few hours. When the door clicked closed behind him, Jonghyun let the breath out slowly. He’d done it. Step one was complete. Leaning back, he pressed his weight into the smooth wood, taking a second to catch his bearings as he reached in his pocket for the smooth plastic container his air pods were contained in. Was it smart for a blind man to own tiny pieces of wireless plastic? Probably not, but he’d never lost a pair yet, and they certainly helped him not get tangled in wires while finding his way around.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Jonghyun quickly looked up at the unknown voice, glancing around the too bright hallway to try and see who was talking to him. He couldn’t see much, simply a tall figure with dark hair that appeared to be a few doors down. He couldn’t see any facial features, only the colours of their form. Their voice was quite smooth, concern in their tone but a lack of judgement. Jonghyun gulped back his fear at talking to a stranger.</p>
<p>“Yeah, thank you.” He said to the figure’s direction.</p>
<p>“You’ve just moved in, right?” Jonghyun simply nodded in response, saying nothing more. “I’m Dongho, I’m one of your neighbours on this floor. Are you sure you’re okay? I heard you pacing for a few minutes before you came out.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun flushed a little pink at being called out that way, lowering his gaze to the blank, boring cream toned floor of the hallway in an attempt to hide his face. It wouldn’t hurt to ask, he tried to convince himself. The stranger wouldn’t judge him for asking.</p>
<p>“Hey, um…” Jonghyun trailed off, trying to find his words. “Is there a store near here? A convenience store where I could get some food?”</p>
<p>“Mm!” Dongho’s voice was filled with affirmation, and Jonghyun heard the other walk closer to him, his form blocking some of the light that he could see. “Do you want me to take you there?” </p>
<p>Jonghyun loved his cane, he really did. He loved the independence it gave him, and the freedom in which it let him move around. But it was always such a bright sign to everyone around him that he wasn’t the same as them. It was so obvious to strangers that he was blind, and it made them pity him. It made them want to treat him like a child. The cane gave him independence, but it took it away from him too.</p>
<p>“No, no thank you. I don’t need you to take me there.” Jonghyun responded, trying to keep the slight annoyance out of his tone. He knew Dongho was only trying to help him, he didn’t deserve a harsh toned response. “If you could just give me the address, I’ll be able to find it.” Lifting his phone up, Jonghyun shook it slightly towards Dongho’s figure, where Naver Maps was already open, ready for him to input a destination to guide him to.</p>
<p>“Are you sure? It won’t take long at all, it’s no inconvenience to me!” When Jonghyun didn’t reply, Dongho let out a small sigh, and Jonghyun could hear the smile through the small gust of air. “Alright, if you’re positive. Can I take your phone and input it for you?”</p>
<p>Hesitating for only a second, Jonghyun nodded and reached his phone out to the stranger. After all, he seemed genuine enough to not run off with it and leave him stranded with no guidance. Although if that did happen, Jonghyun wouldn’t know what to do. He was so reliant on the device for every day life. He felt the phone leave his fingers, and heard Dongho mumbling to himself as he typed, before the phone was gently placed into his hand again. The buds in his ears sparked to life, directing him out of the apartment building.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” </p>
<p>“Don’t mention it.” Again, Jonghyun could hear the smile in the other’s voice. “I didn’t catch your name.”</p>
<p>“Jonghyun.”</p>
<p>“Well, Jonghyun-ssi, I hope we’ll become great friends.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun gave a small nod to the other, before heading out of the building, using his cane to help him navigate the stairs without falling and breaking his neck. Before too long at all, he was out in the cold Seoul night air, and his phone directed him down the street with ease.</p>
<p>He couldn’t see much at all in the low light, and he couldn’t help but feel a little anxious as he walked. He didn’t know if it was just quiet on his street, or if people were just giving him a wide berth as he walked as he didn’t seem to hit anyone’s feet at he went. Either were possible when the street lamps didn’t illuminate enough to make colours reach him, simply bright lights in inky darkness brought him no comfort. </p>
<p>The automated voice in his ear told him to turn left, saying he’d reached his destination. Dongho hadn’t been wrong, the store was incredibly close. He’d only been walking a few minutes before he carefully took the small step up into the store and through the automated doors.</p>
<p>“Good evening and welcome to Seven-Eleven!” A happy voice of an assistant greeted him, and Jonghyun turned towards the figure with a small smile.</p>
<p>“Good evening, would you be able to help me find a few supplies?” He asked with his most charming smile. He knew he wouldn’t get turned down, but he liked to be nice instead of just demand assistance. They owed him nothing really, but he’d like to know what he was purchasing, and when it was a store he’d never been to before, he didn’t know the layout in order to find things for himself.</p>
<p>When the assistant agreed, he allowed her to hook her arm around his own and begin to lead him down various aisles that made his head spin. He was trying to remember what route they were going for future reference, but he knew it would probably take a few visits before he was able to make it around unaided. Thankfully, the assistant really knew her way around the store she worked at, and not 10 minutes later, Jonghyun was at the checkout with a few pork belly kimbap, a variety of bento boxes and a multi pack of flavoured milk to get him through the night, and possibly the next day depending on when he could get his groceries delivered to him. He thanked the assistant with a low bow while he got checked out and handed over the money, before the woman lead him back to the door.</p>
<p>“Thank you again for your help.”</p>
<p>“Don’t mention it! Have a good night, and we hope to see you again!”</p>
<p>Bowing again, Jonghyun made his way out of the store and set his phone to lead him back to his apartment building, confirming he’d selected the right place as it read the address back to him, and began on his way again. He knew now that people were giving him a wide berth rather than it just being quiet, his bag hitting a few legs as he made his way down the street with apologies falling from his lips. His cane must have been easier to avoid than the bag was, but he didn’t get any angry responses at least.</p>
<p>Getting back into his apartment building and making his way back up the stairs, tapping each step as he went and trying his best to not wince at how harsh the lights of the building were compared to the darkness of outside, Jonghyun found himself back on his own floor.</p>
<p>“Ah, good, you’re safe!” Jumping a little at the new voice, he looked over to find the source, seeing a new figure. They were about the same height as Dongho, but brighter. Pink, fluffy hair, and a voice far more excited than the calmer man had been.</p>
<p>“…Yes?” Jonghyun hesitated, confused as to whether the stranger was actually talking to him or if he’d accidentally walked in a stranger’s conversation.</p>
<p>“Ah, sorry! I live on this floor too! Dongho told me that our new neighbour was blind but had gone out alone, so I wanted to make sure you’d get back safely.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, you don’t need to worry.” Jonghyun wanted this conversation to be over as soon as possible as he walked forward, wanting to get back into his apartment as fast as possible.</p>
<p>“…You just walked past your door, take two steps back, then turn right.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun once again found himself flushing pink. He wandered if the colour of his skin was similar to the colour of the stranger’s hair. “Right, thanks.” Doing as he was told, Jonghyun tapped his cane against the door, feeling the familiar vibration that signalled wood rather than the brick of the wall.</p>
<p>“You’re Jonghyun, right? Dongho told me, sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, but yeah. Thanks for the concern.” Unlocking his door, Jonghyun went to go step in, but flinched at a hand on his shoulder which quickly retracted.</p>
<p>“Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I’m Mingi. Don’t feel scared to ask us for help, okay? Everyone on this floor will help you! We’re all really nice, I promise!”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Mingi-ssi, but I don’t need your help, I’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>“The ssi really isn’t necessary.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Mingi-ssi.” Pulling away from the stranger, Jonghyun stepped into the apartment and relaxed when he heard the door click closed behind him.</p>
<p>Settling down on the floor by a box he’d unpacked earlier, he pulled out a canvas and a few bottles of paint, pouring the bright colours against the stark white before beginning to smear it around with his fingertips.</p>
<p>Day one of living alone: Success.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Real Love, True Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jonghyun gets a visit from someone he's never met before and ends up meeting the others on his floor.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you guys have realised by now that this is going to be like...slow burn, very slow burn.</p><p>I hope you enjoy the second chapter&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Audio books were such a beautiful invention.</p><p>Before he’d lost a significant amount of his vision, reading had been one of his favourite things to do. He loved manga and comic books, fiction novels and bulky autobiographies. They gave him the opportunity to take a break from reality, to explore another world and only come back when he was ready to. There had been so many nights where he’d been awake until the sun began to rise over the sea, bundled under his blankets with a flashlight and ‘just one more chapter then I’ll sleep.’</p><p>But those days of huddled by torchlight reading a book were far away now. He hadn’t been able to do it in several years, and although he missed it, he was happy he could still enjoy the books he did when he was younger. It may be different, ear buds in and someone else reading the book to you, but it was better than not being able to experience those stories at all. Besides, it was soothing to be read to, whether it was personal or not.</p><p>He was sat, huddled on an armchair that thankfully had been cleared of boxes now, a tablet resting on his knees and a far too expensive digital pencil between his fingers, sketching out bright, fuzzy colours on the white screen. Of course, he couldn’t be too detailed, he couldn’t draw neat lines or fine detail.</p><p>But that was fine, because it wasn’t what he enjoyed doing.</p><p>His pieces were bright and abstract. Being able to only see colours and not much else loaned a lot to colour theory and knowing what went well with what, what would stand out beautifully against another. Whether traditional, thick acrylic paints and just his fingers on a canvas, or on the screen in front of him, Jonghyun felt pride in the pieces he created. And apparently, his bank account felt that pride too. The people who followed him online seemed to love buying art from a blind artist, and who was Jonghyun to turn that down?</p><p>Lifting his head a little, Jonghyun tried to focus his hearing through the words in his ears, without wanting to pause the book. He could have sworn he’d heard someone at his door, but he couldn’t be sure when he hadn’t been focused on external sound. Now that he was focused, however, he did pick up on another slight tapping on his door. So, with a sigh, Jonghyun paused the reading in his ears and placed his buds to the side, making his way towards the door. He didn’t need his cane to guide him there now, far less boxes dotted around for him to fall on.</p><p>Opening the door, Jonghyun frowned a little. The figure in front of him wasn’t recognisable, although he didn’t know why they would be. After all, he didn’t really know anyone in Seoul.</p><p>“Hi,” The voice that came from the figure wasn’t any more recognisable either, and it put Jonghyun on edge as the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stood on end, pulling the door slightly more to him so no-one could easily push passed him and break in.</p><p>“Hello…?”</p><p>“Oh!” The figure chuckled a little, but it didn’t calm Jonghyun’s anxiety any more. “Sorry, I’m Aaron, I live on this floor too. I share an apartment with Mingi?”</p><p>“Oh, right, the pink guy?”</p><p>There was hesitation for a second, before Aaron laughed a little more. “Yeah, yeah the pink guy. I think you met him on your first day here.”</p><p>“Yup…”</p><p>There was more awkward silence between them, Jonghyun making no effort to move from behind the door, and Aaron seeming like he didn’t quite know what to say.</p><p>But it was Aaron who broke the silence first.</p><p>“So, the rest of us on this floor are hanging out in Dongho and Minhyun’s apartment right now, and we wanted to know if you wanted to join us? It’s nothing big, we’re just watching some stuff, but we want to include you and make you feel welcome. Minnie is cooking some food up right now, and it would be really nice if you joined us.”</p><p>Jonghyun opened his mouth to deny the offer, but the words caught in his throat. He didn’t really have an excuse as to why he couldn’t, and he didn’t want to offend the others on his floor. He didn’t want to push away the first option of having friends in Seoul, but at the same time, the thought was terrifying. Being in a room he didn’t know his way around, surrounded by four strangers who were constantly judging him, it made his heart palpitate in his chest.</p><p>“I…”</p><p>“You know you don’t have to, right?” It was then that Jonghyun knew he’d taken too long to reply and had made Aaron concerned. “You don’t have to come over if you don’t want to, it was just an offer.”</p><p>“I do, it’s just…” Jonghyun took a shaking breath. “It’s just not the most comfortable situation for me, that’s all.”</p><p>“Mmm…” Jonghyun saw Aaron’s figure move to lean against the wall, as if pondering his next words. “Well, how about this. You come over for a little bit, and if you find you’re not settling down and you’re still uncomfortable, you can leave whenever you want. None of us are going to hold it against you if you decide to go back to your own space, promise! We’ll understand, and we won’t think any differently of you.”</p><p>Jonghyun felt a blush coming to his cheeks at the words, confused as to how Aaron seemed to know just what to say. But the proposition didn’t feel too bad, especially if they really wouldn’t hate him for having to leave.</p><p>“Alright, I’ll come over, I just need to grab my cane.”</p><p>“Great, want me to wait for you?”</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>Jonghyun then pulled away from the door, scanning his apartment floor until he found his neon pink cane leaning against the corner of the room, propped up against the wall. Grabbing it with ease, Jonghyun felt a little tension leave his shoulders. There was something so reassuring about his cane. It was part of him, it was his eyes, and although not needing it in his own place felt nice, it was still an extension of his own body, a steady comfort in his hand. </p><p>He made his way back towards the door, closing and locking it behind him before glancing towards Aaron. “Lead the way.”</p><p>“Do you want to hold my arm?”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head. “No, that’s okay. I can follow you well enough.” He appreciated the offer, but it wasn’t needed. Especially since he didn’t want to start this budding friendship with them seeing him as completely useless in his own body. He watched as Aaron walked down the hallway, following far enough behind to where he wouldn’t hit the other with his cane. It didn’t take long for them to get to another door, Aaron opening it and holding it for him. Jonghyun made his way in, trying to look around the apartment.</p><p>It was warm, that was his first feeling. Filled with oranges and reds, the light reflecting off the walls made it look like it glowed. It was welcoming, like a fireplace on a cold winter night. Immediately, Jonghyun felt some of the anxiety melt away. It was hard not to feel relaxed in the environment. </p><p>“Over on the couch, you have Dongho sat on the right side, Mingi on the left side, I know you’ve met them both already. Then on the red armchair is Minhyun, he lives here. Mingi lives in the other apartment on this floor with me.”</p><p>Jonghyun nodded a little, before bowing in the direction he could see the forms of the chairs. “It’s nice to meet you all.”</p><p>“How old are you?”</p><p>Jonghyun startled a little from the abrupt question, knowing the voice but not quite being able to place it to the two boys he’d met previously. He knew it wasn’t Aaron, the voice came from too far away for that, but his vision wasn’t good enough to see facial features, he couldn’t see who’s mouth was moving. </p><p>“Oh, um,” Jonghyun started, turning himself a little towards the couch, knowing it had to be either Dongho or Mingi. “I’m 20, 95 liner.” </p><p>“Whoa, same as us!” The slightly pinker blur got to their feet, and he was then able to discern that it must have been Mingi who had been talking before. “That’s so cool! We’re all the same age!” </p><p>“Speak for yourself,” Aaron laughed from closer to him. “93 liner, still older than all of you.”</p><p>“Yeah but you’re American, it doesn’t count.”</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>When the rest of the room laughed, Jonghyun allowed himself a small smile, unable to deny that he found the conversation amusing now that the others seemed to confirm Aaron wasn’t actually offended by the words.</p><p>“Oh, sorry!” The voice from the red armchair, Minhyun from what Jonghyun remembered of the introductions, called out while getting to his feet. Of course, he couldn’t see much of what he looked like, but the clothes he wore seemed comfortable and oversized on him, neutral in their colours with soft blonde hair, taller than the rest of them. “Please, you can sit here. I need to go to the kitchen anyway to get the food out of the oven, it should be due any seco-”</p><p>Minhyun’s words were cut off by a loud ringing from the same direction, and Jonghyun could see the other scrambling around a little with no real form to his movements before the ringing ceased. “Yup, there’s my alarm. Get comfortable! I’ll bring some food in!”</p><p>Once Minhyun had hurried out of Jonghyun’s limited vision, he slowly made his way over to the deep red chair, carefully rolling his cane across the floor. Something that felt like a wooden leg, probably a coffee table, tapped against the stick as he stepped forward, allowing Jonghyun to give it a wide berth before he found himself at the chair, carefully lowering himself down on it and leaning the cane between his legs and against his shoulder. There, it was as out of the way as he could get it so he didn’t trip his new found neighbours with it, but still close enough to serve as stability and comfort.</p><p>“So…” Jonghyun began once the room had fell into silence apart from Minhyun moving around the kitchen area, three forms now on the couch ahead of him instead of the two there had been previously. He guessed Aaron had joined them, and they didn’t seem particularly worried about any sort of personal space bubble. At least he didn’t have to worry at directing his question in the wrong direction. “America?”</p><p>“Ah, yeah,” Aaron said, and Jonghyun could hear the smile on his lips. “Los Angeles specifically, moved here about 4 years ago now? I was 18, didn’t speak a lick of Korean either.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Really, definitely wasn’t the easiest move of my life.”</p><p>Suddenly, Jonghyun’s fear over moving to Seoul felt silly. Yes, he was a little disadvantaged with his disability, but at least he spoke the language, he was in his home country with his family only a train ride away if he really needed them. “It must have been really tough.”</p><p>Aaron made a small sound that seemed dismissive. “I survived, you have no choice but to learn a language pretty quickly when you’re surrounded by it and have little other ways to communicate. Besides, I found these three idiots pretty fast into moving here, they helped.”</p><p>“Hyung, do you have to call us idiots at every given opportunity?” </p><p>“Do you have to disrespect me at every chance?”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“There’s your answer.”</p><p>Jonghyun tried to hold back a laugh, but just ended up snorting a little instead, quickly covering his face in an attempt to hide it. He was already feeling himself relax a little bit, maybe this hadn’t been too awful of an idea. They really didn’t seem as judgemental of the stranger that had just moved on to their floor as they could be.</p><p>They fell into another comfortable silence for a moment or two, before Minhyun appeared to return, placing something down on the coffee table nearby. “Food’s ready!” Jonghyun watched as Minhyun joined the others on the couch, his figure flopping down on top of the other three with a practised ease that told him it was a common occurrence for the four of them to just lie all over each other constantly.</p><p>“Oh!” Dongho said from the bundle of bodies. “Right, so,” the more muscular form began moving, untangling himself from bodies before he leaned over a little, seeming to study the coffee table. “Directly in front of you, so like, 12 o’clock, is a plate full of Kimbap. Behind that and to your left, about 2 o’clock, is some of Minhyun’s own recipe fried chicken, at your 9 o’clock is some Kimchi Salad, and then at like… 11? Maybe? Is some Eomuk. Please, help yourself, eat as much as you want!” Jonghyun then watched as Dongho’s figure reached forward and grabbed something, before leaning back down on the other bodies, seemingly unaffected by the groans of discomfort at the movement.</p><p>He appreciated the clock system, he really did, it meant he was able to grab his own food and know what it was without feeling around and feeling like an idiot. But he didn’t think he was quite comfortable enough yet to just help himself, he didn’t know them well enough to feel quite so… welcome. Especially as Minhyun probably didn’t know he was coming when sorting out the food, so there might not have been enough for all five of them.</p><p>“You know, I feel like I can see your brain going into overtime over there.” Minhyun’s voice came through, clear and sweet. Weirdly, it reminded Jonghyun of the colour green. Not a neon, or too bright. More a… pastel green. Calm, reassuring, just as neutral as the rest of the colours he was. It made the tension in his chest loosen just a little more. “It’s okay, there’s enough. We always make too much food and end up with enough to last for days anyway. You’re not going to take anything away from us.” </p><p>When Jonghyun had deducted that Minhyun’s voice held no sign of hesitation, that his words didn’t appear to be forced politeness and instead were truthful and understanding, he slowly leaned forward and reached directly in front of himself, finding the plate of Kimbap with ease and taking a piece. </p><p>“We were just watching dumb movies before you came over.” Mingi’s voice stated. “Do you mind if we keep watching?”</p><p>Jonghyun quickly shook his head, almost choking with the suddenness of his movement with the rice, beef skirt and carrot still in his mouth, before he quickly cleared his throat. “N-no, no of course I don’t mind. Feel free.”</p><p>The sound of a movie Jonghyun didn’t recognise filled the air then, and Jonghyun allowed himself to relax a little more in the chair now he knew for a fact the attention was no longer fully on him, but instead on the television screen. He felt…weirdly happy. But not in an elated, joyful way. He just felt… calm, relaxed, almost enough to feel at home with the energy in the room.</p><p>He couldn’t really follow along with the movie with just the sound effects and the dialogue to tell him the story, but he didn’t really mind it. It was the quiet companionship, the comfort the four obviously felt with each other, the way their bodies seemed to fit against each other so perfectly even on the cramped space they were lying in.</p><p>“So, um,” Jonghyun started again, breaking into the dialogue of the movie. “Who’s dating who over there? You’re obviously all really close.” </p><p>No-one answered him for a moment. A moment too long, to the point where Jonghyun worried that maybe he’d caused offence, maybe he’s gotten the wrong end of the stick and had read the situation entirely wrong.</p><p>“Well that’s…” Aaron started, but Dongho interrupted him.</p><p>“It’s not exactly complicated, but it’s… some people find it weird. We’re polyamorous, so we’re kinda all dating each other? It’s not like there’s two set couples between us, its kinda just the four of us all at once. Does that make sense?”</p><p>Jonghyun hesitated for no more than half a second before nodding. “It makes sense.”</p><p>“Is it…” Aaron cleared his throat, and he seemed a little uncomfortable. “Is it a problem?”</p><p>“Nah,” Jonghyun gave a small smile, hoping that it was as reassuring as he meant it to be. “I was just curious, the energy in the room is very comfortable even with all of you cramped together like that, so it makes sense that you would be.”</p><p>“You can see us like this?” Mingi questioned, and although his words were blunt, Jonghyun knew from his tone that he probably didn’t mean it to come across that way. “I thought you were blind.”</p><p>“Mingi!” Dongho’s tone almost seemed offended for him, but Jonghyun laughed it off.</p><p>“No, it’s okay, I get it a lot. Yeah, I’m legally blind, but it’s not just…nothingness, you know? I can see forms and colours, just not details and I don’t have a lot of depth perception at all. I know Mingi’s hair is pink, I know Dongho is more built than the rest of you, and I know Minhyun is blonde, and that brown jumper is probably super comfortable. I know Aaron’s hair is dark, and he holds himself a little stiffer than the rest of you do. But I couldn’t tell you any specific details, I can just see… your coloured blurs lounging over there. I couldn’t tell you what belonged to who when it came to your arms and legs and torsos, I don’t have that much detail.”</p><p>“Whoa, that’s cool!” Jonghyun had never felt the way he could see was cool, but he did appreciate Mingi’s excitement nonetheless. “Have you always been blind?”</p><p>“Mingi, please, he probably didn’t come here to be grilled and singled out.” Dongho still sounded offended, uncomfortable at the questions, but Jonghyun shrugged it off. He expected the questions would come, and it would be easier to answer them now than feel the tension of the questions burning on their tongue, but too nervous about offending him to ask.</p><p>“It’s okay, really. I understand it might be interesting… no, I haven’t always been blind. I had normal vision until I was about 10. Perfect vision even, but I have a condition called Muscular Degeneration in my eyes. Early onset, it’s more common in the elderly. When I was 10 I started seeing a lot worse, and by the time I was 16 I had to learn to use a cane and start taking classes to be able to use my other senses a little better to find my way around and do things for myself.”</p><p>“That’s…really sad.” Minhyun said, and again his tone seemed more calm than he expected. It wasn’t brushing off what had happened to him like it was nothing, but it wasn’t making a big deal out of it either. Minhyun didn’t seem to suddenly think that he was made out of glass. “Do you miss it? Clear vision?”</p><p>Jonghyun shrugged a little. “I’ve had half my life to come to terms with it, at least I still have colours, my world is still bright, even if the camera lens isn’t in focus.”</p><p>“That’s weirdly poetic and beautiful.”</p><p>Jonghyun laughed a little. “Thank you, Mingi.” </p><p>“Do you understand what’s going on in the film?”</p><p>When Jonghyun shook his head a little, still smiling despite his refusal, he saw one of the figures on the couch move a little, as if looking for something. “It’s too dark for me to make much out, but it doesn’t matter really.”</p><p>When the figure found whatever they were looking for, the sound coming from the television changed. Instead of disembodied dialogue that made little sense without context of what was happening on the screen, a new voice came from the device. A voice that was explaining what was happening that visually he couldn’t see.</p><p>At the realisation that one of them had turned audio description on the movie, just for him despite the fact it might be distracting for the rest of them…his heart fluttered a little in his chest.</p><p>Maybe meeting his neighbours hadn’t been a mistake.</p><p>Day two of living alone: success.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Your comments and love makes me so happy&lt;3 The NU'EST fandom is a hell of a lot smaller than the other fandom I write for, but I'm so happy to see so many of my fellow LOVEs enjoying this&lt;3 And if you've come to this from my BTS stuff... thank you for sticking around&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. One Morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A trip to the post office results in extra bonding time... whether Jonghyun wanted it or not</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days had passed since Jonghyun had been at his neighbour’s apartment, and despite how well that visit had gone, Jonghyun had since been keeping to himself.</p><p>Really, they were lovely neighbours, and the energy in the apartment had been comfortable and reassuring. But he was still incredibly introverted, and being surrounded by people he didn’t know very well still wasn’t ideal.</p><p>They hadn’t exactly gone out of their way to force their contact on him at least. None of the four had come to his door to convince him to go over, they hadn’t come to his own apartment to hang out. They’d left him to himself, and Jonghyun was thankful for that. He didn’t want to have to disappoint them by not really having the social energy to hang out.</p><p>He’d heard them in the hallway a few times, coming and going as they pleased, so he at least knew they were okay.</p><p>But the days alone had been brilliant for his productivity. He’d gotten quite a few paintings done, both digitally and on canvas, but now he was having to leave. Two of his traditional paintings had been bought, which was great news, the money always helped. But it did also mean he was going to have to go out and make his way to a post office somewhere to ship them to their new owners. He hadn’t really explored much since his first night, when he’d found the convenience store, and the thought of walking around the streets of Seoul was no less anxiety inducing now than it had been then.</p><p>At least it was day time, the sun would help him be able to move around a little better than the moon had. </p><p>With his cane in one hand, and the carrier with two A3 canvas in it in the other, Jonghyun made his way out of his apartment, with less hesitation than last time at least. Well, there was a little hesitation, but it wasn’t as hard to convince himself to leave as it had been on the first day of his Seoul adventure.</p><p>“Jonghyun?” </p><p>The said boy stopped at the vaguely familiar voice, biting back a sigh. He wondered if he’d ever be able to leave his apartment without getting stopped by one of his floor-mates, but he tried his best to not let his frustration show on his face as he turned towards the source of the voice. Whoever it was, they were wearing light clothing, and everything but their skin blended well into the walls of the hallway with his limited vision. </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I’m happy to see you’re alive, you’ve been pretty quiet. Are you going somewhere important?”</p><p>“Yeah, um, going to ship some things so I need to find a post office. Sorry, can I ask who this is…?”</p><p>“Oh! Sorry!” The figure came closer, but that didn’t help Jonghyun at all with trying to figure out who they were. “It’s Minhyun, I thought you’d be able to tell by my voice, sorry.”</p><p>“Common misconception, but telling who people are by just their voice isn’t as easy as you’d think, especially if you don’t know them very well.”</p><p>“Sorry, I’ll remember for next time.” Despite the apology, Jonghyun could hear that Minhyun was smiling, and he was a little thankful that this probably wasn’t going to get weird with his comment. </p><p>“I’m just heading off to work,” Minhyun started. “The post office is on the way to the cafe I work at, if you want, I could take you? I’m driving anyway, and if it’d be easier, you can wait in the cafe for a bit? Dongho is finishing work in an hour or two, I could ask him to pick you up and bring you back home?”</p><p>Jonghyun hesitated for a second at the offer, thinking it over. Really, he didn’t want to be treated like fragile glass, like he couldn’t get himself from A to B without help. But at the same time, the help was greatly appreciated. He had no idea where to start in making his way to the post office, well, he did, Naver maps would get him there. But the progress would be slow, and Minhyun taking him would be much faster. Cafe meant coffee too, and the caffeine was tempting, even if sitting in a dark, low lit cafe for a few hours wasn’t as appealing. </p><p>“…Alright, thank you.”</p><p>He could hear Minhyun’s smile in his words. “That seemed to take a little while for you to choose a response there, are you sure?”</p><p>“I’m sure, definitely easier then getting lost in the middle of Seoul.”</p><p>“Alright then, follow me to the car and we’ll get your stuff posted!”</p><p>With a small smile of his own, Jonghyun began following Minhyun’s retreating figure down the hallway, once again keeping his distance so he didn’t hit the other with his cane. He doubted that Minhyun would let him walk into anything, but the comfort of having it as a first line of defence was too much to let it go.</p><p>Minhyun lead him out of the building towards the parking lot, straight towards a deep green shape that Jonghyun guessed was the other’s car. When the cream, neutral toned figure opened the passenger side door for him, Jonghyun let himself in, awkwardly leaning his cane across his body. It didn’t fit properly in the footwell, bending against the ceiling regardless of the angle Jonghyun put it at, and he didn’t want it to distract Minhyun as he drove either. So, with a heavy heart, he leaned back and placed it across the back seats, out of the way, but also out of his grip.</p><p>He hated it being out of his grip in an unfamiliar environment. </p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“Oh, uh,” Jonghyun stumbled over his words a little, trying to find the words that would accurately express how he felt without being over dramatic. “Yeah, I’m okay, I just feel weird when I’m somewhere I don’t know very well and I don’t have my cane in my hands, that’s all.” </p><p>Minhyun seemed to hesitate for a second as he got into the drivers side, starting the engine up and pulling out of the parking space. “I guess it must really feel like an extension of you, huh? Like losing a limb?” </p><p>“Something like that, yeah. It’s not too bad, just…uncomfortable when I don’t have it.” </p><p>“Is it collapsible? Would it help to hold it while it was folded down?”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head a little in response. “No, it isn’t one that can collapse. They tend to not have as good… feedback I guess? The breaks in the pole that allow it to collapse kind of mute the vibrations it gives, so I always preferred the whole canes… it does become a little inconvenient in cars I can admit.”</p><p>Minhyun laughed a little from beside him as he drove, and Jonghyun stared out of the window, watching the scenery pass by in a blur of shades of grey, tall skyscrapers and neon signs. </p><p>They hadn’t been driving for long before Minhyun pulled to a stop and put the handbreak on. “The post office is just outside of your door, straight ahead when you get out. Do you want me to come in with you?”</p><p>“I’ll be alright, thank you, but could you pass me my cane once I’m out?” Jonghyun didn’t trust his coordination to not hit the other with it if he tried to manoeuvre it out himself, and he hoped Minhyun had nodded before he got out of the car, waiting with his hand outstretched before he saw the neon pink cane being moved and placed back into his hand. Giving a small bow of thanks, Jonghyun turned 180 degrees and started using the device to guide him to the door before he tapped against the small step and let himself in to the building.</p><p>Getting himself to the counter with the bag of canvas, he made short work of talking to the assistant and getting them sent off to his buyers, paying the fee with ease and feeling a little better now they were gone. Sending his art was actually the hardest bit of being a blind artist, especially when it was traditional on canvas. When it was some of his digital tablet art, he could just remove the watermark he’d placed on and send the finished piece to whoever had paid him for it via email, and the accessibility functions helped him with that a lot more. But with Canvas… it was just a little more difficult, but definitely more fun to produce in the first place, even if it did get messy.</p><p>After getting a receipt of confirmation that they were paid for and sent with the tracking numbers printed on there, Jonghyun made his way back out of the post office and towards Minhyun’s car, smiling a little when the other immediately got out and opened the door for him. It wasn’t needed, really, but he appreciated the thought from the other. </p><p>“All good?”</p><p>“Yeah, thanks.” Jonghyun smiled as he got back into the car, putting his cane back across the back seats. “Thank you for bringing me here.”</p><p>“It’s no problem, really,” Minhyun said through a smile as he got back into his own seat, pulling away again. “It was on my way to work anyway, and I’d just worry if I left you to make your own way.”</p><p>Jonghyun frowned a little. “You’d worry?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. You’re our friend, I’d hate for something to happen because I left you to fend for yourself when I could have helped. I mean, of course I don’t think you’re helpless, I know you’d probably be fine and you can look after yourself. But all of us care about you, and it wouldn’t feel right when I was going to where you needed to go anyway.” </p><p>Jonghyun tried to ignore the blood rushing to his face. “Well… I appreciate it.”</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t mind waiting in the cafe for Dongho to finish work? I’ve asked him to pick you up and he’s agreed, but if you’d rather just head home I can tell him it doesn’t matter. I can’t take you back because I’d be late for work, but don’t feel like I’ve trapped you with me, okay?”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head a little, trying to give what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I don’t feel like you’ve trapped me, it would be easier to be taken home anyway. Besides, caffeine sounds like a great idea.”</p><p>“Well then I will do my best to keep you caffeinated.” </p><p>Laughing a little at the others words, Jonghyun settled himself back into the chair and let them fall back into a comfortable silence, but it was only another few minutes before the car stopped once more in a small parking lot behind a row of stores. “Well, this is us.” Minhyun stated before getting out of the car, the other quickly following his lead. “Once we’re inside, find somewhere to sit and I’ll bring you a drink once I start. Any preferences?”</p><p>“Just a vanilla latte.” Jonghyun replied with a smile before grabbing his cane and walking into the cafe. He wasn’t wrong about the state of the inside, it was dimly lit with warm colours, a quiet ambiance of conversation and soft music. It wasn’t intimidating, but he still didn’t like the low lighting too much. It made moving around far too difficult. Regardless, he managed to find an empty table in the far corner by the window and got himself sat down, hoping to use some of the light from outside to help his vision a little while he pulled his earphones out and started his audiobook. He hoped Minhyun would bring the card machine to him every drink, or just hold a tab for him so he didn’t have to go to the counter a lot, worried he’d trip over something or walk into someone.</p><p>He really didn’t feel like embarrassing himself in a brand new place.</p><p>Half a chapter or so into his book, Jonghyun’s attention was drawn to Minhyun walking towards him. At least, he thought it was Minhyun. The other’s clothes had changed now, darker like the uniform and covered by a green apron, but his soft blonde hair and soft, yet incredibly blurry, features were still the same.</p><p>“Here,” Minhyun said as Jonghyun took one of his earphones out, placing the mug directly in front of him. “Vanilla latte, I’ll keep an eye on you and keep it topped up, okay? Dongho should only be an hour, an hour and a half at most. Is that okay?”</p><p>Jonghyun nodded a little. “Yeah, thank you. Do you have the card machine with you or do you need me to go to the counter?”</p><p>Minhyun didn’t answer for a second, but when he did, he sounded a little confused. “Card machine? Why?”</p><p>“So…I can pay…?”</p><p>“I never said you had to pay, I told you I’d keep you caffeinated and look after you. It’s on the house.”</p><p>Once again, Jonghyun had to try and ignore the blood rushing to his cheeks. “You don’t have to do that, I can pay for my drinks…”</p><p>Minhyun shook his head. “Nope, I’m looking after you today. It’s on me, okay? I’m sure you’ll pay me back another time. Besides, I never make Mingi, Dongho or Aaron-hyung pay for their drinks, I’m not going to make you.”</p><p>“Yeah but… you’re dating them.”</p><p>“And you’re my friend.”</p><p>Deciding it wasn’t worth trying to convince Minhyun to let him pay, Jonghyun looked up to him with a small smile. “Alright, thank you, Minhyun. I’ll make it up to you.”</p><p>“I better get to work before my boss gets mad, but flag me down if you need anything, okay?”</p><p>When Jonghyun nodded, he watched as Minhyun’s figure retreated again before returning to focusing on his audiobook, blowing at the steam on top of his mug before taking a sip. Jonghyun liked to think he knew good coffee, but really, he only knew if it was bitter and watery, or sweet and creamy. Minhyun’s vanilla latte was definitely on the sweet and creamy side, the way he liked it.</p><p>Glancing over at the counter, Jonghyun tried to figure out if he could pick Minhyun out of the several staff members that were there. It was difficult, there seemed to be quite a few people working. But Minhyun was the only blonde there, so when the limited light hit his figure right, Jonghyun could pick him out.</p><p>And he hated how attached he was feeling to him already. He wanted to make friends, of course he did, but he didn’t expect to be… this cared for already. To feel so looked after by someone he barely knew. Were Minhyun and the others on their floor just seeing him as a pity case? Looking after him as their Good Samaritan act of the day? It had happened before, people being nice to him not because they cared, but because they wanted the good karma of helping the blind boy.</p><p>But weirdly that wasn’t the vibe that he got from any of them. As much as his pessimism wanted to believe that was the case, logic didn’t add up with it. They seemed to genuinely care, and Jonghyun didn’t know what to do with that piece of information. He didn’t know how to process it.</p><p>Before long had passed, his latte was gone, and Minhyun had come over and replaced it before even 5 minutes of an empty mug sitting in front of him had passed. Once again, Jonghyun asked if Minhyun would let him pay, but once again, he was refused with a calm reassurance and was left to his audiobook once more.</p><p>Jonghyun lost track of time after that, the ambiance around him fading out to the focus of the book in his ears, his latte slowly disappearing as it cooled. He let his eyes close to block out the distraction of blurred colours and moving, fuzzy forms and allowed himself to just lose himself to the words in his ears, of the magic and mystery of the dark fantasy being read to him, the words creating images in his mind as it played in front of him. The female heroine fighting against all odds to keep her friends safe while trying to save the world. </p><p>A light tap on his shoulder startled him, jumping to be sat further upright as one of his earphones fell and landed somewhere on the floor. Jonghyun winced a little at the sound, hoping it wasn’t broken. They weren’t the cheapest to replace, and he knew he’d be touching against the floor for at least 5 minutes before he found the stray earphone.</p><p>“Oh, sorry!” A familiar voice, that definitely wasn’t Minhyun said, and only a moment later the small plastic earphone was being put back into his hand. “I didn’t mean to startle you. It’s Dongho, are you ready to head off home?”</p><p>Vaguely, Jonghyun wondered if Minhyun had told the others to tell him who they were when they approached, but he pushed that thought aside as he looked up at the other with a smile. “Hey, Dongho. Yeah, thank you.” The other seemed to be in pretty comfy clothes, and considering he knew he’d just been at work, it felt a little weird to notice. Part of him wondered where he worked to be able to wear what seemed to be an oversized hoodie and sweats, but he supposed he couldn’t really judge too much as all he did was paint in his apartment alone.</p><p>Pushing his chair away, Jonghyun got to his feet, using his cane to lean against before grabbing his empty mug. “I’ll just take this up to the counter then we can head off. Thank you for picking me up, I’m sure you just want to get home if you’ve been out at work all day.”</p><p>Dongho chuckled a little. “Don’t worry about it, really. I’m happy to help. Do you want me to take the mug up for you? I know it’s a little dark in here.”</p><p>“No need,” Minhyun’s voice sounded from closer that Jonghyun expected, the mug being gently taken from his hands. “I’m on it. I hope you enjoyed your coffee!”</p><p>“I did, thank you.”</p><p>“Get home safe, and I’ll see you around!” With a smile in his voice, Minhyun’s figure retreated, leaving Jonghyun with just Dongho.</p><p>“Come on, let’s get back, I’m sure this was a longer outing than you wanted to just head to the post office even if the god tier coffee here did make up for it. My car is just outside. I won’t be offended if you want to sit in the back seat so you can keep your cane in your hands either.”</p><p>When Dongho started to leave, Jonghyun followed him quietly. How much did they all talk about him? If Minhyun had told him about saying who he was when he approached, and the fact he felt more comfortable when he could keep his cane with him… did they talk about him a lot? Was it all good? </p><p>He didn’t know what to think of it, whether he should be offended they were talking about him, or honoured that they were all trying to make him as comfortable as possible in their own little way.</p><p>“Back or front?”</p><p>Jonghyun looked up a little, confused as to what Dongho was actually asking him as he was pulled from his own confusing thoughts. “Hm?” </p><p>“Do you wanna sit in the front or the back?” Dongho seemed to be smiling a little, as if trying to convince him either option was fine. </p><p>“Oh, uh, the back is fine, thank you.”</p><p>Dongho then opened the door to a deep black car, stepping aside to allow Jonghyun to slide in, his cane still having to be placed at an angle to fit, but now able to stay in his hands as it did unlike the trip with Minhyun. It took Dongho only seconds to get into his own seat and begin the car moving.</p><p>“So…” Jonghyun began, willing to break the oddly calm air. “What do you do as a job?”</p><p>“Oh, I’m a music producer for entertainment companies. I don’t work with any particular one, but I write music for idol groups. I’ve written for years, but it’s a new development, only for the past year or so, for me to be making a name for myself doing it.”</p><p>“Well, that explains the comfy clothes…”</p><p>Dongho laughed a little, and for a split second Jonghyun was worried he’d offended. “Yeah, I don’t exactly have to dress up for work or work set hours, I just have to make sure I’m constantly at least working on something, even if I don’t have to go to the studio often.”</p><p>“That makes sense, making music must be fun.”</p><p>“It’s definitely interesting, but that artists block can be killer.”</p><p>Jonghyun simply nodded a little. “I understand that.”</p><p>“You do? What do you do for work?”</p><p>“I’m… I’m an artist, kind of.”</p><p>“Kind of?”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head a little. “I paint, and do digital art, and sell it online. It’s why I had to go to the post office, to send off some of my canvases to buyers.” </p><p>“That’s honestly really cool. Is it… is it offencive to ask how?”</p><p>Jonghyun gave a little laugh, effectively breaking any tension that Dongho might have thought he’d created. “Nah, I understand the confusion. Like I said the other night, I see colours and not much else. So I paint using the brightest colours I can and I guess it’s kind of… abstract stuff.”</p><p>“I’d love to see you paint some time.”</p><p>The honesty and sincerity in Dongho’s voice took Jonghyun by surprise for a moment. He didn’t sound judgemental, or mocking about it. It sounded like… he did actually watch him work, he did want to see his pieces because it was interesting, not just because he was a blind artist.</p><p>“It can get kind of messy, so its not something I tend to do in front of people, sorry… but we’ll see in the future. I’d love to hear some of the music you’ve produced.”</p><p>“I’m sure we can arrange that.”</p><p>Jonghyun smiled a little at the confirmation, and only moments later the car had stopped, pulled up in the apartment complex parking lot. “We’re back now. Do you want to come over to Mingi and Aaron’s with me? Aaron’s home, but Mingi will be at work for a little bit longer.”</p><p>When Jonghyun shook his head a little, he tried to ignore the almost disappointed noise that came from Dongho. “No, I’m alright thank you, I’m going to go back to my place. I’m a little tired, that’s all.”</p><p>“I understand that.” The door opened, Dongho now standing in front of him. “Well, the offer will stay open if you change your mind.”</p><p>“I appreciate that.”</p><p>Before too long, Jonghyun and Dongho were back on their floor, and with a swift farewell, he found himself back in the comfortable silence of his own apartment again, happily caffeinated, and a weird swell of hope in his chest.</p><p>Week one of living alone: Success.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope people are still enjoying this lil slow burn, your comments make me so happy&lt;3 Not long now until Romanticize comes out! I've preordered the album and I'm so excited for more of my fave boys.</p><p>This chapter was uploaded a little later than usual because last week I got told off for always uploading while the person dumb enough to date me was at work so I waited for them to finish this time :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Love Paint</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Paint, beer, chicken, and good company</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jonghyun enjoyed anime a lot more than any other type of media he tried to consume. The naturally bright, saturated palette made it easier for him to see what was going on, his moderate to high level of Japanese knowledge meant he could understand what was happening without having to worry about not being able to read the subtitles. There was something comforting and nostalgic about being curled up on his couch, a plush, fluffy blanket laid over him and balled up in his fists as he lost himself in the story. </p><p>He used to feel like this about a lot of media, back when his vision wasn’t a mess of colours and shapes. There was nothing better than cuddled up with his sisters on a friday night watching whatever drama they had gotten themselves invested in and feeling him falling into it himself.</p><p>But now, anime was the only thing that brought him that same feeling. It was the only thing that was comfortable to watch without some sort of confusing struggle. Of course, his Japanese knowledge wasn’t top tier, perfectly fluent with no issues, but it was enough to where he didn’t need to know every word in order to put the context together in the rest of the sentence structure.</p><p>Part of him wanted to go and make a hot chocolate, or a tea, just to amp up the relaxation factor of his night. But that involved standing up, getting out of the thick blanket and losing that warmth for however long it took him to make it, he wasn’t prepared for that bit of it.</p><p>Clenching his fist a little tighter around the plush fabric in his hand, Jonghyun allowed himself to relax even further with the way it grounded him. The feel of each, individual soft fiber against his skin, the sensation of it’s tickle when he moved, the way the stuffing to the thick blanket shifted under the pressure. </p><p>He loved that blanket.</p><p>But a light knocking at the door tugged Jonghyun from his sleepy stupor of focus, pulling his attention to the door of his apartment. He might not of known specifically who it was, but he knew what group they belonged to, as no-one really visited him apart from the others on his floor. The men that were slowly but surely pulling him from the introverted shell where he felt safe.</p><p>Groaning a little in dissatisfaction of moving from his nest, Jonghyun got himself free and headed towards the door, pulling it open.</p><p>Before him, stood Mingi, but something was definitely…off. His hair was still the bright pink it had been last time he’d seen the other, but his light coloured clothes were dishevelled, and marred with… neon? Neon splodges of pink, green, yellow and teal covered the other’s face, arms, and shirt in ways where Jonghyun could tell it wasn’t just a fashion choice.</p><p>“Mingi?”</p><p>He could hear the bright smile as the other replied. “Yeah!” Before the other was moving closer, sliding passed Jonghyun and into the apartment as he let himself in. Jonghyun stared a little in disbelief at the other’s lack of respect, before he smiled and followed him anyway. He couldn’t bring himself to be mad at Mingi.</p><p>“You free to hang out for a bit?”</p><p>“Oh, uh,” Jonghyun started as he sat back down on the couch and grabbed the blanket. “Yeah, I’m not really doing much. Why are you so… bright today?”</p><p>“Oh!” Mingi immediately started laughing then, and Jonghyun saw some of the colours be distorted as he ran a hand over them to clear them without success. “It’s paint. I work in an elementary school and it was messy day today. I guess I didn’t realise how bad it was before I came over to see you.”</p><p>“Did the shower not get it off?”</p><p>Mingi seemed to tilt his head a little as if confused. “Shower? I’ve not been home yet, I came straight here to see you.”</p><p>Jonghyun’s face heated up a little. “So you’re a teacher?”</p><p>“Not particularly.” Mingi’s form flopped down on the chair near him, and Jonghyun had to quickly move the edge of his blanket to prevent it getting trapped under the other’s weight. “I’m a teaching assistant, but because our kids are so young it basically just means I get to play a lot. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exhausting! But it’s fun, kids are so funny.” </p><p>“Yeah, I bet it’s tiring…” Jonghyun couldn’t figure out why Mingi would have come to him instead of going home to shower and nap, but he didn’t want to focus on the little swell of joy in his chest at the thought either.</p><p>“Yeah,” The word was drawn out, before Mingi sat up straighter. “Can I invite the others over?”</p><p>Jonghyun hesitated before giving a nod. It wasn’t like Mingi hadn’t just forced his way in anyway, the others being around was at least company. Mingi didn’t get up and leave to get them though, leaving Jonghyun a little confused before the pink boy gave a little laugh. “Oh, sorry, I just texted them. Didn’t see the point in walking more than I need to when I can let them know that way.”</p><p>“That’s fair enough,” Jonghyun smiled, before gathering up the blanket and folding it up as best he could so it was out of the way of everyone. Unlike the other apartments on this floor he’d been in, Jonghyun didn’t have enough chairs for absolutely everyone, only the single couch, so the last thing he wanted to do was take up some of the space available for them with the blanket. He could feel Mingi’s eyes on him, watching his movements, and doubt began to bubble in his gut. “Hey…” He started.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>Jonghyun bit his lip for a second, wondering if his concerns were even valid or whether he’d just be laughed at. Either option was a little worrying. If he was right in feeling guilty, he didn’t want to make the others struggle for space or feel bad even if it wasn’t intentional. And if he was laughed at for the concern, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to take the embarrassment easily.</p><p>“I only have one couch, you guys have several in the other apartments. There’s not enough room for everyone to sit down in my place…” Jonghyun trailed off, turning his gaze towards the floor. Even if he couldn’t see Mingi’s face, he didn’t want to even imagine whatever expression the other was holding. Realisation mixed with disappointment? Amusement? Doubt?</p><p>“Hey, Jonghyun, it’s okay.” Mingi’s voice was softer than Jonghyun expected it to be. “Really, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. We survived months with only a single bed to share. Between four of us. We’re used to being all up and personal in each other’s space. I’m sure we’ll find somewhere to sit down properly and none of us really care. You weren’t expecting to host four extra people in your apartment after all, we can’t be mad at you for not having more furniture than you’d need.”</p><p>Relaxing a little at Mingi’s words, Jonghyun gave a small nod.</p><p>“What would we be mad at him about?” A voice from a little further away asked as the sound of the door being pushed open echoed, several pairs of feet tapping against his floor as they approached. </p><p>“Oh, Hyung, Jonghyun thought that we’d be upset at him for only having one couch.” Mingi responsed to who Jonghyun assumed would be Aaron from the honorific used. From the figures Jonghyun could see joining them around the couch though, all of them were there. Dongho’s larger form easily placed itself down on the floor by Mingi’s feet, Minhyun’s thinner, lankier form pressed tight against him while Aaron seemed to hang behind a little, leaning against the back of the couch.</p><p>“Why would we be upset over that?” Dongho questioned softly, and when Jonghyun only shrugged in reply, none of them pressed further.</p><p>“So what were you doing before Mingi interrupted you?” Minhyun asked, and Jonghyun could hear the smile on the other’s lips, unable to help but to give a small smile in response. </p><p>“Just watching an anime, nothing really important.” </p><p>“Are you sure?” Dongho asked. “If we’re intruding you can just say, and we’ll leave you alone.”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head a little. “No, no really it’s okay, I’ve seen Fairy Tail a thousand times anyway. I… I like the company.” </p><p>No-one responded verbally to him, but Jonghyun didn’t feel any awkward tension in the air, so he could only assume that his comment was taken well by the others.</p><p>“Since Mingi is already covered in paint, and you warned me that it can get a little bit messy…” Dongho began, and Jonghyun felt a little coil of anxiety around his heart. He knew where this was going. “Can we paint with you? If you have the stuff that is.”</p><p>“Well… I did say we could arrange that…” </p><p>“When did this happen?” Aaron asked from behind him, not quite sounding offended, but more irritated that he hadn’t been informed of this painting conversation.</p><p>“A few days ago when I picked him up from Minhyun’s cafe, don’t worry Hyung you’d not being too left out.” Dongho laughed a little while Aaron grumbled a little, but Jonghyun allowed himself a smile, appreciating how comfortable they all were with each other.</p><p>“We can paint. If all of us are going to be doing it though… we’re going to need more room. If I get a tarp ready, could you guys push the furniture back and lay it out on the floor? I’ll grab the canvases and paints we’ll need in the meantime.”</p><p>After a chorus of agreements, Jonghyun got to his feet and made his way with ease over to his art supplies cupboard, feeling the four sets of eyes on his back as he did. He supposed it would be a little weird, watching him move around without hesitation and without his cane. After all, they’d only really experienced him in unfamiliar places where he’d needed the cane, but his apartment wasn’t that anymore. Even after only a week and a half, he was confident enough to find his own way without it, and without hesitating too. He tried to ignore the fact he was being watched as he opened the cupboard up, finding the folded plastic tarp with ease and taking it back over to the others, handing it to Mingi as he was the closest.</p><p>Once Mingi had taken it from him, the others jumped into action, and Jonghyun watched their forms move the furniture with a slight delight. After all, part of him was expecting grumbled responses and refusals to move the furniture, comments of it wasn’t their job to do heavy lifting for him. But that hadn’t happened, instead, they were all doing what he’d asked without any complaints, without any hesitation. It was almost as if they were… happy to help him, excited to move things out of the way so they could paint together.</p><p>Jonghyun didn’t know how to take that information, so instead he just grabbed five canvases from the cupboard and his basket of paints, heading back to the main area just as Mingi secured the tarp in place.</p><p>“This okay?” The pink figure asked brightly, and when Jonghyun nodded his confirmation, Mingi quickly hurried over and took the plastic basket off him, placing it down carefully while Jonghyun positioned the canvases.</p><p>“So…” Minhyun began, although he sounded hesitant to even ask. “How is it you paint?”</p><p>Jonghyun gave a small shrug. “It’s simple enough, really. I’ll show you, but I hope you guys don’t mind whatever you’re wearing getting covered in paint. My technique isn’t really the cleanest, and I don’t own many brushes…” Once he’d trailed off, Jonghyun reached towards the basket and grabbed the bottle of highlighter green paint, popping off the cap and drizzling a little of the paint on the canvas, towards the lower left corner and up the left edge. Then, grabbing an equally bright blue, he did the same again, although this time two inches closer to the centre of the canvas. Rolling his sleeves up to prevent them getting too destroyed by the paint, Jonghyun reached forwards and dipped his fingers in the paint, beginning to smear it across the fabric and around the edges, blending the green and blue until it seemed enough to his own limited vision.</p><p>Jonghyun wasn’t sure if the others were talking as he worked, quickly finding himself focused and enveloped by the colour story he was creating as he added a neon orange to the mix, beginning to blend that in at the upper right corner before adding a few dots of yellow and trailing them upwards. When he went to reach for the pink though, he found it missing, and a quick glance showed that Aaron had already taken it and was following suit, creating bright shapes against the white canvas in front of him.</p><p>In fact, three of the other four had quickly began following his lead, pushing bright colours across a blank canvas until they created something beautiful. His own piece forgotten about, Jonghyun watched the others work in a focused silence.</p><p>Mingi’s seemed… chaotic. There was no colour theory behind what he was doing, instead all the colours he could find had been thrown onto the canvas and merged together. His hands appeared to be soaked in paint, the mess trailing up his arms and even on his face and hair, but he didn’t seem to mind it. Instead, Mingi kept pushing pink bangs from his face, caking them in more paint as he worked. </p><p>Dongho’s was difficult for Jonghyun to really see what he was going for, although it seemed a lot more structured than his own and Mingi’s. A mix of blues and greens, white peppered throughout and some sort of black silhouette had been fingerpainted in. Jonghyun couldn’t even begin to guess what it was from his own limited vision, but the attention to detail while only having his fingers to work with did impress him.</p><p>Aaron’s painting seemed a lot simpler than the other two, not as structured as Dongho’s, not as chaotic as Mingi’s, but it was… soft and precise. Pinks, oranges, yellows and purples blended together with ease into a sunset effect, pleasing and relaxing to the eye. Jonghyun refused to have favourites from his new friends’ work, but if he was going to, it would probably be Aaron’s. The simplicity of it appealed to him, and even though it seemed to be next to completed, Aaron was still going in with gentle fingertips, blending the colours together to be as smooth as possible.</p><p>Minhyun, however, hadn’t really done anything. He seemed to be watching the others work, his own canvas bare in front of him. Jonghyun watched as he reached for a bottle of paint a few times, before pulling back without taking hold of it, as if unsure of where to really begin.</p><p>“Minhyun?” Jonghyun asked, his voice low so as to not break the careful, quiet concentration in the room. The blonde’s head lifted, and Jonghyun could only assume he was being looked at. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Minhyun replied, although his tone wasn’t convincing in the slightest. “I’m just… not really sure where to start. That’s all. What if I use the wrong colour and they don’t mix well? What if it just looks messy and unco-ordinated?”</p><p>Jonghyun gave a small shrug. “Then they don’t mix well and it looks messy and unco-ordinated. It doesn’t really matter really, it’s yours, and it’s only for fun. Even if those things too happen, it’ll still be an interesting piece, right? These aren’t meant to have a rhyme and reason to them. It’s just… fun, calming, abstract art. You don’t have to think too hard about it for it to still turn out well.”</p><p>Minhyun seemed to hesitate. “But where do I start?” </p><p>Jonghyun shifted a little, crossing his legs in front of him as his feet had begun to go a little tingly with how he’d been sat, and he leaned forward, elbow resting on his knee and supporting his chin. He could feel the smooth, wet paint below his chin, but it didn’t really bother him. He was used to being covered in it after all, and it would come off in his shower later. “Well… that’s really up to you, but if you really want some guidance… when I look at you, I see… soft greens and deep browns, the forest on a rainy day. Calm, relaxing, natural tones.” Shifting a little again, Jonghyun crawled around Mingi to be closer to Minhyun, sat a little behind him instead. “So maybe start there. Take the green and some white, maybe a little yellow, and start to build up from there. Don’t overthink it, just go with your gut instincts. It’s just paint on a canvas, you don’t need precision or knowledge to smear paint around with your hands.” Giving a smile he hoped was reassuring, Jonghyun refrained from putting his hand on the other, not wanting to cover him in paint too before he’d done it himself at least. “Just roll with it, and it’ll turn out great.”</p><p>Minhyun didn’t say anything for several long moments, before he reached over and grabbed the green, white and yellow like Jonghyun had suggested, putting the three colours right in the centre of the canvas and beginning to mix them together with gentle, practiced movements in his fingers. Jonghyun stayed where he was by the other, watching while the colours mixed to become a softer, more pastel green. Once colour was already in place though, Minhyun seemed to find a little more confidence, no hesitation this time as he reached and began pulling the paint in different directions, creating shapes and lines before adding more green, darker straight onto his fingertips and beginning to add depth and dimensions to places that Jonghyun didn’t expect.</p><p>Before too long, he’d gone back to his own canvas, having to search a little more for various colours than he’d have to normally while currently sharing them, but he didn’t regret painting with the others. It had made him feel… closer to them. Even though there was no conversation, he couldn’t even see their faces clearly, it was like the invisible bonds between him and the four others had strengthened. He no longer felt like they were still in the awkward stranger phase with him. They were friends now, bonded by coloured paints and coated canvases.</p><p>Sitting back from his own completed canvas, Jonghyun inspected it to see if he could add anything else while running a paint coated hand through his hair, pushing back the hair threatening to obstruct his vision. As he did though, Mingi gasped a little from his left.</p><p>“Whoa, that looks so cool!”</p><p>“Hm?” Jonghyun questioned, lifting his head a little.</p><p>“Your hair, with that purple in it. You had purple paint on your hand when you pushed it back. You look so cool with purple hair. Have you ever dyed it before?” When Jonghyun shook his head a negative, Mingi’s pout translated easily to his words. “I think we’re going to have to change that.”</p><p>“Mingi,” Aaron began in a scolding tone. “You can’t just demand someone dyes their hair. What if he doesn’t want to?”</p><p>“Then he can tell me no!”</p><p>Jonghyun chuckled a little, running a hand through his hair again even though the paint already there had already stuck it into place. “It’s not something I’ve ever really thought of. My sisters don’t have dyed hair, and it’s not like I can see what I’m doing enough to do it myself anyway.”</p><p>“I can do it for you!”</p><p>“Mingi, relax. Let him at least think on it.”</p><p>“But Hyung!”</p><p>“But nothing, not your hair, not your decision.”</p><p>Jonghyun was worried for a second that the matter of his hair would turn into a legitimate argument, but only moments later they were all laughing at each other, any tension that had begun to form immediately broken by the sound.</p><p>“Well, if we’re all done painting, I think we should order some food. Beer and chicken okay with everyone?”</p><p>After a chorus of agreements, Jonghyun watched as Aaron stepped away from them, seemingly already talking on the phone. He was starting to feel a little bit sticky and uncomfortable, but he didn’t really want to shower yet with the others still there, so instead he went to the bathroom and washed his hands at least to get the paint off if they were going to be eating soon. Before too long, the other four were waiting outside the room for him, filing in one by one once he was done to do the same.</p><p>How well they all seemed to work in unison with each other was still a little strange to Jonghyun, but what was even stranger was the fact that… he fit in so well with that unison. He didn’t feel out of place or undermined by the others, he didn’t feel left out or a nuisance. It was…nice. Weird, but nice.</p><p>Before too long, they were back in the living area. The canvases had been moved towards the window to allow them to dry, Dongho had cleaned and folded up the tarp, and Minhyun had helped Mingi with moving Jonghyun’s furniture back into place. Despite the fact they’d only seen where everything originally was just that day, the two of them had gotten everything back into place perfectly, by the inch. </p><p>At least Jonghyun wouldn’t find himself tripping over everything by it being just a little out of place, but he couldn’t help but wonder if it was coincidence, or if the others had taken special notice before it had been moved to get it back right for him.</p><p>Regardless, Jonghyun was soon back on the couch, Minhyun directly next to him, with Dongho on the edge. Mingi had perched himself on the arm of the chair, one of his legs seeming to be resting on Dongho although it seemed perfectly comfortable and balanced like that. Aaron had continued standing for a while, meeting the delivery person at the door and collecting their food and drinks, before joining them on the couch and sitting himself on the floor in front of them and passing everything out. He took special care with Jonghyun’s, making sure the newest member of the crew knew exactly where everything was so he didn’t knock it over or spill anything on the currently unprotected carpet.</p><p>“What was it you said you were watching before Mingi came in?” Dongho asked once they were all settled with their food.</p><p>“Oh, it’s called Fairy Tail. It’s my favourite anime.” </p><p>Dongho seemed to give a little shrug. “Put it back on if you want, I’m sure we’ll be able to piece together what’s going on.”</p><p>Hesitating for only a moment, Jonghyun did as he was told, pulling the bright cartoon up on the screen and making sure the korean subtitles were on. He didn’t really need them, after all, he couldn’t see well enough to read them, but he didn’t know how good the others’ Japanese was, and he didn’t want them to be lost.</p><p>They ate and watched in near silence, and they were barely halfway through an episode before the chicken had been demolished and the beer had been easily started. </p><p>The alcohol seemed to numb his senses quickly, it had been a while since he’d drank anything after all, and the odd question coming here and there from the other’s did nothing to lessen the heaviness of his eyelids. He answered what he could with questions about what was happening with Natsu and who Lucy was, but soon the other’s voices trailed into nothing, merging with the background noise of the show as Jonghyun’s eyes stayed closed for longer and longer.</p><p>A soft hand threaded through the hair on the side of his head before long, carefully guiding him down before he felt his face leaning against something warm and firm while massaging gentle circles into his scalp. He had enough awareness to fight the movement if he’d really wanted to, to pull himself away and force his eyes open, but the soothing motions in his hair and the warmth against his face made him not want to fight.</p><p>The pull of sleep was strong, the beer and chicken settling heavily in his stomach, and before the second episode had finished, Jonghyun had lost the battle.</p><p>A week and a bit of living alone: comfort.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope everyone is still enjoying this and has a good easter&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Every Afternoon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jonghyun wakes up, he isn't in his bed, and the reality of what's happening begins to set in.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the shortest chapter so far, but chapter 6 is the longest so far, so win some lose some I guess! I hope you enjoy it regardless&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jonghyun wasn’t in his bed.</p><p>That was his first conscious thought as the pull of daylight tugged at his eyelids, disrupting his sleep. His second thought was that his pillow was moving. It was only a gentle movement, a slow, soft rise and fall, while a weight rested on the top of his head.</p><p>With the realisation that his pillow wasn’t his pillow, Jonghyun’s eyes opened faster than they usually did. Part of his sleepy brain expected them to focus on his surroundings, like they had years before, but a soft voice pulled his attention before he could focus too much on the fact they didn’t, that his vision stayed as a blur of unfocused colour.</p><p>“It’s alright, you’re okay,” The voice was calmer than Jonghyun felt, more reassuring than he expected it to be. “You’re lying on the couch, on Minhyun. It’s his hand on your head. It’s Aaron talking to you right now. Dongho and Mingi are asleep to your right, lying on top of each other.”</p><p>Slowly pushing himself upright, Jonghyun nodded a little bit, hoping he was telling Aaron with the motion that he understood even if he wasn’t fully awake yet. He appreciated the explanation of his surroundings, even if it wasn’t explicitly needed, but his groggy brain definitely liked not having to work out where he was itself without panicking.</p><p>“What time is it…?”</p><p>“8am, I’m surprised you’re awake already, honestly.” Aaron had a slight smile in his voice as he spoke, still quietly, but it was probably more to not disturb the other three than to calm him down this time. </p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“You kind of passed out on us, you must have been exhausted. We didn’t want to move you and risk waking you up, and then Minhyun fell asleep too anyway. I hope you don’t mind the fact we stayed.”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head a little. “I don’t mind, I’m sorry, hyung.”</p><p>“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”</p><p>Jonghyun fidgeted awkwardly with his hands as he tried to find the words, not wanting to embarrass himself. “I just… I don’t want you to feel like you were trapped here. There was already not a lot of room… if us four were on the couch, where did you sleep?”</p><p>He saw the older’s figure move a little, and he guessed it was a shrug. “I don’t think any of us felt trapped, it was nice you were comfortable enough around us to fall asleep. I slept on the floor, but I did steal the blanket from your bed, sorry about that.” </p><p>“Now why are you sorry?” Jonghyun laughed a little as he threw the question back at the older, relaxing a little as he woke up more and revealed in how…safe he felt. Mingi was snoring a little to his right, but it was more sweet than annoying, and he felt the couch move a little as he suspected Dongho was cuddling the other closer to him. Minhyun had reached out in his sleep to find Jonghyun again, and now had his hand resting against his back, limp with sleep, but the contact still there, seeking him out.</p><p>“For stealing your blanket?”</p><p>“I’m sure I can forgive you when you literally slept on the floor last night. It’s alright.” They fell into a comfortable silence for a while. Jonghyun was in no rush to move around and properly start the day, and Aaron seemed quite content sat in front of him on the floor, wrapped up in the deep purple blanket stolen from his bed. It was…nice. Far more comfortable that Jonghyun had ever wished it could be. “So… I know that Mingi works in a school, Dongho makes music and Minhyun is a barista… what do you do, hyung?”</p><p>“Oh,” Aaron laughed softly, and Jonghyun guessed he’d just realised he’d never actually told the younger much about himself. “I’m a translator, freelance. I tend to get contracted when companies need to work with English speaking countries, since English is my first language and I’m fluent in Korean now. It’s helpful, being bi-lingual, a lot of companies need that help.” </p><p>“Right, I remember the others saying that you were American, Los Angeles was it? You said you didn’t speak any Korean when you came over… what brought you over here?” </p><p>Aaron didn’t answer for a second, and Jonghyun was worried he’d offended him, but then the older began talking again. “It’s silly, really.” He hesitated, but when Jonghyun motioned for him to continue, he did. “I wanted to be an idol. You know, in an entertainment company? I came over here to try and chase that in like, 2011. It didn’t end up working out, but I’d already started a life over here, and moving back to LA seemed like I was giving up. So I just… stayed. Ended up meeting the idiots, and before long my whole life was in Korea, and I didn’t want to go back.”</p><p>“Do you miss it?”</p><p>“Sometimes. I miss my family. My mom and dad are still in LA, so are my two little sisters. So I miss them a lot, but I do get to visit so it isn’t too bad. But… my life is here now.” </p><p>Jonghyun gave a little nod. “I get it. I left my family back in Gangneung-si. I know that’s not as far away as America is, but… I miss them too.” </p><p>Aaron made a small noise of sadness. “It’s okay, you know, to miss them. It’s not a competition. I’ve been here for four years, nearly five, I’m used to being apart from them now. This is still new to you.” </p><p>Jonghyun just smiled a little, not sure what to really respond to that. He still felt a little guilty at missing his family so much when Aaron was literally nearly 6,000 miles away from his own. It kind of… dwarfed the 100 miles between him and his family.</p><p>After a few more moments, Aaron stood, the royal purple falling from his shoulders as he walked away. He was about to ask if the older was okay, but Aaron was out of his eyeline quicker than he could get the words out. Once he could hear movement in the kitchen though, he relaxed a little. Aaron was probably just getting himself a drink, it wasn’t really anything to worry about.</p><p>But he definitely felt closer to the older now. He’d bonded a lot with Minhyun and Dongho recently, even Mingi quite a bit. But he hadn’t had chance to really bond with Aaron much yet. Now that he had, he found he liked the man a lot. He was… a dark blue. Stable, calm in the storm of energy that the others often brought. The way he’d immediately gone to calm Jonghyun when he’d woken in an unfamiliar position moved him a little. It had seemed like instinct for the older.</p><p>Moments later, Aaron returned, carefully placing a mug of something hot and steaming in his hands. “Careful, it’s really hot, you might want to leave it a few minutes.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Coffee. Lots of milk, lots of sugar. Is that right?”</p><p>Jonghyun tried to hide the blood rushing to his face. “Yeah, that’s right.”</p><p>“Minhyun told me you drank a lot of vanilla lattes at the cafe, but that was the closest I could get with what you had in the kitchen.”</p><p>He was rapidly failing at hiding the blush to his cheeks. “I appreciate it, really.”</p><p>At the sound of his name, Minhyun seemed to stir from beside Jonghyun, groaning lightly as he stretched out the knots in his back from sleeping sitting up on the couch. He could hear the other smacking his lips as he slowly came to his senses, and it brought a smile to his face at the image.</p><p>“Morning, Minnie.”</p><p>“Morning, Aaron-hyung.” Minhyun grumbled lightly. “Have you been awake long?”</p><p>“Only about an hour. Jonghyunie and I have been talking.” </p><p>“Oh!” Minhyun seemed to wake up more at the sound of the others sudden nickname, the weight on the couch moving as he turned to look at him. “You fell asleep on me, honestly was the sweetest thing. Did you know you talk in your sleep? Nothing any of us could understand, it was more little mumbles than anything, but it honestly melted us.” </p><p>Jonghyun hid his face behind his mug.</p><p>“Minnie, you’re embarrassing him.” </p><p>“Embarrassing who now?” Dongho’s groggy voice came from Jonghyun’s left. It seemed everyone was waking up and starting the day now. He felt a little disappointed that his alone time with Aaron was ending, but he couldn’t be too upset about it. It meant he had the others now too. </p><p>“Minhyun is telling Jongie about the mumbles last night when he was asleep. Look how pink he’s gone!”</p><p>“To be fair it was adorable.”</p><p>Jonghyun sunk father back into the couch.</p><p>The other three laughing must have woken Mingi, because only moments later his voice joined the mix too.</p><p>Jonghyun kind of… clocked out after that. He knew Aaron had gone to make more coffee and had returned with mugs for the others, and he didn’t even know he’d owned that many mugs. Mingi had gotten up and had started stretching at one point, but Minhyun had threaded his fingers back into Jonghyun’s hair, and he didn’t really pay attention to much after that.</p><p>That was, at least, until Minhyun started talking directly into his ear. “Jonghyun? You listening? You haven’t fallen back asleep, have you?”</p><p>“Hm? What?” Sitting up a little bit straighter dislodged the hand from his hair, and he found he was much more aware without it there. So, hand in his hair, both a good and a bad thing. Got it. </p><p>“We were just talking about tonight.” Dongho said, not unkindly, but sounding more amused than anything. “Minnie and I have to work soon, then later this afternoon Aaron and Mingi are going to hang out in the coffee shop until Minhyun finishes, then it’s date night.”</p><p>“Yeah,” He could hear the grin on Mingi’s lips. “It’s romantic drama night. Well, more specifically, Minhyun’s turn to decide what we watch for date night, and that’s what he decided on.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jonghyun tried to smile, but he found it hard to force the act. Why did he feel so disappointed at the fact he was going to be alone for the rest of the day? He’d spent a long time on his own comfortably recently, the thought of not being with the other four shouldn’t make his stomach feel like it was dropping into a pit. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow then?”</p><p>“What?” The question was said by all four of them at the same time it seemed, and he struggled to separate the different tones to the different people saying the word. For all he knew, it could have been several different people who had just broken into his apartment and had spoken at once. </p><p>“Jonghyunie, you know you’re invited, right? If you want to, of course.” </p><p>The world seemed to stand still for a second. “I’m invited?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“To date night?”</p><p>“Yup!” Mingi piped in then. “Did you seriously think we’d leave you out?”</p><p>Jonghyun couldn’t formulate a reply to that. Why would he be invited? To date night of all things? He wasn’t part of their relationship, and he was already worried about imposing without interrupting this personal thing between them too.</p><p>“You’re not going to be imposing,” Aaron said from ahead of him, his voice was soft, but it didn’t waver. “We’re inviting you. We wouldn’t if we didn’t want you there. Of course, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to, that’s why it’s an invite, not a demand.”</p><p>“N-no, no I…” Jonghyun gulped. “I’ll come. Thank you.”</p><p>“Perfect! I’m gonna go and shower then go to the store to get some stuff.” Mingi said before the pink blur rushed to the door, Dongho and Minhyun close behind him.</p><p>“We’ll see you at the cafe later there, Jongie?” Dongho asked from the door, and once Jonghyun had nodded, his form disappeared too. </p><p>He sat in silence with Aaron for a few minutes too long, but he couldn’t bring himself to break it. </p><p>What could he say? He couldn’t find the words when he brain was running too quickly for his mouth to keep up. He didn’t understand what was happening, what he was feeling. What he could even do about any of it.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Aaron broke the silence eventually, and the concern in the older’s voice didn’t help the confusion either.</p><p>It was too soft, too genuine. The three words were filled with such genuine worry that it hurt in his chest. Aaron shouldn’t be worrying about him. None of them should really be caring. He was just their new neighbour, someone who shouldn’t be important to them. Someone who shouldn’t be butting in to their date nights and forcing his way into their lives.</p><p>“Yeah… I um…” </p><p>“It’s okay, don’t worry. Do you want to go and shower? You’re still covered in paint.”</p><p>Jonghyun just gave a small nod as he got to his feet, making his way towards the bathroom with ease. </p><p>His brain didn’t stop once he’d stepped into the warm stream of water. Didn’t calm even when he buried his head below the shower head, trying to use the rush of the warmth to drown out the doubt in his mind. </p><p>A week and a half of living alone: a mistake.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I waited for Romanticize trailer to be out to post this and damn I am HYPED<br/>I don't know whats going on but I'm hyped about it</p><p>Also, life has gotten in the way, UK has started opening back up and I'm going back to the office tomorrow for the first time in like...4 months, so I'm a ball of anxiety alongside the other work issues I'm having at the moment, so writing has kind of taken a back seat. I STILL haven't finished chapter 6, and I doubt I'll get it done in time for next sunday, so posting may slow down and stop being weekly from here on out. But please don't worry, I love this story so much that I won't be abandoning it, real life has just had to take a front seat for a while&lt;3</p><p>Let me know what you guys think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Thank You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Aaron and Mingi make a decision, and date night ends in confusion</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Jonghyun finished his shower and had gotten all of the paint off his body and out of his hair, Mingi had returned from whatever store adventure he’d been on. He was sat with Aaron now, on Jonghyun’s couch, and they spoke quietly between the two of them. Too quietly for him to be able to pick up on the words said. But even though anxiety still spiked in his chest and his mind moved too fast, with too many thoughts and feelings that he couldn’t make sense of, he was happy to see the two of them still around. He already felt himself missing Minhyun and Dongho too, which didn’t help his confusion over the situation.</p><p>“There he is!” Mingi’s bright voice called out, the pink blur turning towards him in excited, exaggerated movements, as though Jonghyun’s presence was the best thing to happen to him in a while. “I got you a present! Well, a few presents!”</p><p>“Don’t force him into this, Mingi.”</p><p>“I won’t, hyung, it’s his choice!”</p><p>Jonghyun frowned, tilting his head a little. “Force me into what…?”</p><p>“Oh!” Mingi jumped to his feet with some sort of bag in his hands, rooting through it as if to show the other what he’d bought. Jonghyun wondered if sometimes, Mingi just straight up forgot that he couldn’t see details. Regardless of what he’d bought, he wouldn’t be able to tell what it was. But he didn’t say anything, letting the other find what it was he was looking for. “I couldn’t find any purple, but! I did get hair bleach and this like, cool blue silver colour. We can dye your hair!”</p><p>Jonghyun hesitated, putting his hand to his still damp hair and running his fingers through it. He’d never really thought much about his hair at all, least of all dyeing it. As long as it was tame enough and out of his eyes, he didn’t really do much with it, simply getting it cut whenever it began to irritate him.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Jonghyun admitted slowly. “I wouldn’t know what I was doing with it.”</p><p>“All you’d have to do is sit and let us take care of it!”</p><p>Aaron sighed, and Jonghyun could see him shift a little to look at the younger. “You can say no, I’m sure Mingi will find another use for it. Don’t feel pressured, okay?”</p><p>“You really think I’d look good with different hair like that…?”</p><p>“100%!” </p><p>“…Let’s do it.”</p><p>————</p><p>Fifteen minutes later, Jonghyun was sat in his small bathroom. Much too small to house the three of them, but the other two didn’t seem to mind at how cramped it was as Mingi ordered him to remove his shirt to stop it getting mis coloured. The second Jonghyun did, feeling the slight chill of the open air on his chest and eyes on his bare skin, Aaron had draped a rough towel over his shoulders and reached forward, tucking it around him as if he knew Jonghyun was uncomfortable. He didn’t know when Aaron had started being able to read him as though he were an open book, but he wasn’t mad at it either. Just… confused. Maybe his emotion showed a lot more on his face than he thought it did.</p><p>Once Mingi had mixed the bleach, Jonghyun started to regret his situation. The substance smelled…strong. But he didn’t really have chance to complain about it before it was being brushed through his hair, coating the strands. His nose tickled from the strength of it, and his eyes burned from the intensity, but he sat as still as possible and kept quiet. Mingi was already doing all the work, he didn’t want to make it more difficult for him by complaining and wiggling around.</p><p>A gentle touch to his face snapped Jonghyun’s attention, a fingertip brushing below his eyes. “Are you alright?” Aaron’s voice was low, as if he was trying to reassure and keep the moment private, but they both knew Mingi would be able to hear. “Your eyes are watering a lot. Are you upset?”</p><p>Jonghyun smiled a little, stopping himself from shaking his head, but giving a small laugh instead. “I’m alright.” He confirmed. “My eyes are just sensitive, and hair bleach seems to be… strong.”</p><p>“It is strong, but don’t worry, you’ll get used to it soon. Because your hair is virgin too, we shouldn’t have to keep it on too long either. If it starts burning and hurting on your scalp, let us know, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Aaron’s presence was reassuring next to him. He wasn’t helping Mingi apply the bleach, it appeared his role was just to keep him company through the process.</p><p>“Do you think the others are going to like it?” Jonghyun didn’t know why he’d asked the question, he didn’t know why he overly cared about the two missing people’s opinions on his new hair. But… he did. He wanted them to like it. He wanted them to be happy with the leap of trust he’d put into them to control his hair like this. He wanted them to like him more.</p><p>“They’re going to love it.” Aaron said softly, wiping another irritation induced tear away. “You’re already getting pretty blond.” </p><p>“I’m nearly done with the bleach now!” Mingi said behind him. “A few more minutes and we can get it covered to process. Any burning?”</p><p>“No, I’m alright.”</p><p>“Perfect!”</p><p>Jonghyun laughed, he didn’t know where Mingi got his energy, but he’d have to ask at some point. He needed that energy too, sometimes.</p><p>A few minutes later, Mingi was wrapping his hair up in what felt like cling film, and then moved from behind him to be more in Jonghyun’s vision. He’d missed the fluffy pink of his hair.</p><p>It hadn’t been too longer since he’d last seen it, but the sight of the colour lifted his heart a little.</p><p>What was happening to him?</p><p>————</p><p>Another half hour passed before Jonghyun was being held steady with his head over the bathtub, one of Aaron’s hands on his back to stop him falling while the other covered his eyes to prevent the bleach filled water from getting in them, while Mingi controlled the shower head to get the substance out of the strands. It felt nice, the warm water flowing through his hair while Mingi rubbed his fingers into his scalp to help move the bleach, rubbing shampoo in his now freshly blond hair to remove every last trace of the strong, smelly hair treatment.</p><p>“God, Aaron-hyung, remember when my hair was this strong? It’s like its barely damaged at all from the bleach!”</p><p>“No, your hair has always been fried in the time I’ve known you. Didn’t you spend years bleaching it blond?”</p><p>“Yeah, but that’s not the point!”</p><p>“Kinda is the point, of course your hair is fried.” </p><p>“Whatever! Anyway!” Mingi pulled Jonghyun to be sat upright, moving the towel to rub at his hair and remove the excess water before dropping it back down to cover his bare chest and shoulders again. He knew the other was grinning, even if he couldn’t see it. “Perfect! Much easier than trying to bleach dyed black hair anyway. Ready for the blue?”</p><p>“As I’ll ever be.” Jonghyun said with a chuckle as Aaron guided him back to be sat on a stool, Mingi behind him again as a new substance was mixed and brushed into his hair. This one didn’t smell anywhere near as foul, but it was cold against his freshly washed scalp.</p><p>“Oh. This is darker than I expected.” Mingi sounded a little concerned, but Aaron just laughed a little.</p><p>“Silver blue dye is like that. Don’t worry, it won’t be that dark when you wash it off. Just keep going.”</p><p>Jonghyun closed his eyes as Mingi worked behind him and Aaron sat beside him, letting the rhythmic brushing of the small dye brush against his hair soothe him. Even being shirtless, he felt so relaxed with them. He didn’t really want the moment to end.</p><p>Mingi was quiet as he focused, Aaron didn’t try to hold any sort of conversation either. It was just… peaceful. A comfortable silence between them.</p><p>It wasn’t too long before Mingi broke the calm.</p><p>“There! All done! We’ll give that like…15 minutes to process and wash it out, then we’ll be good to go!”</p><p>“Timings are working okay for us to head to the coffee shop after it’s been washed out and dried too.” Aaron confirmed, rubbing Jonghyun’s shoulder as though it was second nature. “Feeling okay?”</p><p>“My back is a little stiff from sitting like this, but I’m okay.”</p><p>Without hesitation, or even confirmation, Mingi’s hands moved. The plastic gloves that he’d heard covering his hands before were gone, and strong fingers were immediately putting pressure in the stiff muscles of his back. Jonghyun tried to not make a sound at the relief his muscles felt at the movements, but it involved biting his lip to stop the automatic response.</p><p>Mingi laughed behind him. “Good?”</p><p>“Good. Don’t stop, please.”</p><p>It wasn’t exactly a full blown massage while they sat in the cramped bathroom, but it was enough to loosen his back up as they waited for the colour to process.</p><p>Jonghyun felt so calm. He felt so lov-…wanted, in that moment. Guilt bit at his chest for taking both of their attention, but he couldn’t deny how good it felt. They were practically doting on him right now.</p><p>The moment passed too soon though, as it wasn’t long before Mingi was announcing it was time to wash the dye out and he was being guided to lean over the bathtub again. Aaron’s hands returned to their previous positions, but this time, the hand on his back was rubbing small circles into the flesh, trying to ease the tenseness that had formed again from having to move. </p><p>Washing the dye out was quicker than the bleach, and Jonghyun suspected the dye was probably thinner than the bleach had been previously, easier to remove. Soft smelling conditioner was run through his hair, to try and trap the colour into the hair Mingi had informed him, and once that was washed out too, he was stood back up and being lead to his bedroom. </p><p>Aaron had sat Jonghyun down on his bed, sliding in behind him with his hair dryer, and got to work. Jonghyun couldn’t see Mingi with him, but the device in Aaron’s hand was too loud for him to question it. The warm air made short work of drying his newly coloured hair, and he could only watch in unfocused confusion as Aaron got in front of him and a bright flash disturbed his sensitive eyes.</p><p>“Whoops, sorry, probably should have warned you before I did that.” Aaron said, only sounding a little apologetic before putting a screen before his eyes. “Can you see this?”</p><p>He couldn’t, not really, but he could tell it was a picture of himself from the context of the situation. His hair was definitely… different. He couldn’t see how Aaron had styled it, or the actual features of his own face, but the blue-silver where his dark hair used to be shocked him a little.</p><p>He liked it.</p><p>Maybe not enough to keep it forever, he was sure he didn’t like it quite enough to go through the process every single time the colour began fading and growing out, but he didn’t regret letting Mingi have his own way with his hair.</p><p>“That colour is really nice. It’s like…steel.” </p><p>“Very attractive steel.” Mingi’s voice came from the doorway to Jonghyun’s bathroom, approaching them quickly. “I did a good job, he looks great!”</p><p>Jonghyun was too busy flushing pink at the word attractive being used in reference to him, even if it was more towards his new hair colour than himself.</p><p>“Bathroom is all cleaned up now, shall we start going to meet Minhyun and Dongho?”</p><p>Aaron laughed. “Can you give Jonghyunie time to get a shirt on before you start rushing us out? We have ages before Minhyun finishes, there’s time.”</p><p>“Aw, I was kinda hoping he’d stay shirtless.” </p><p>Jonghyun tried to hide his face as he got up and went to his wardrobe, pulling out the first shirt he found and quickly putting it on, covering his skin from them again. He’d almost forgotten if it hadn’t been for the chill, but it being brought to light again returned the uncomfortable feeling of being vulnerable. He didn’t mind feeling vulnerable in front of them as much as he thought he would.</p><p>————</p><p>An hour later, all three of them were in Minhyun’s coffee shop. Mingi had found an empty booth big enough for the eventual five of them, and Jonghyun had gotten himself as close to the nearby window as he could. The dark of the coffee shop hadn’t gotten much easier to see through, but the light of the window opening up the world of colour in front of him made it a bit easier to handle. Made it so he could relax a little easier in the warm ambiance. Aaron had immediately gone to the counter in order to get them food and drinks while they waited, while Mingi slid in beside him.</p><p>“Doing okay?”</p><p>Jonghyun gave a small smile and a nod to the other. “I’m alright.” It was a half truth at least. He was still incredibly confused at everything he was feeling, but below all that anxiety, uncertainty and confusion, he was alright. He wasn’t about to burst into tears and hide away in his apartment for days at least. </p><p>“Are you sure? You’ve had this weird look in your eyes since this morning. It’s like… you’re unfocused. Your mind is somewhere else.” </p><p>Jonghyun bit his lips at the words, immediately diverting his eyes elsewhere. Out of all the others, Mingi was the one he least expected to be observant enough to notice he was a little off. He knew Aaron had probably noticed, if the steady reassurance he brought was anything to go off, but he didn’t expect Mingi to. He hoped he’d have worked through everything before any of the others had even noticed a change in him. Maybe they were watching him closer than he thought they were.</p><p>“I’m sure, Mingi, please don’t worry about me too much.”</p><p>Mingi didn’t answer for a second, but when he did, there was a smile in his words. “You know, I think Minhyun’s just noticed your new hair. He just dropped a customer’s coffee because he was staring at you and not paying attention to his work. Aaron-hyung can’t stop laughing, he’s doubled over by the counter holding his stomach.”</p><p>A blush rose to Jonghyun’s cheeks as he was told what was going on further away than what his eyes could see, and if he focused, he could hear Aaron’s hearty laugh over the general ramble of the shop, but it was too dark over by the counter for him to see any specific movement.</p><p>“Is Minhyun going to get into trouble?”</p><p>“Nah, he’s this place’s golden child. I’m pretty sure he could get away with murder and only get a slap on the wrist from management.”</p><p>Jonghyun chuckled a little at the response, turning his gaze back towards the window before Aaron approached their table with a tray in his hands, balanced carefully from what appeared to be a lot piled on top of it. Once the oldest had placed it down on the table, Jonghyun could deduct that there were two mugs of coffee, and quite a wide selection of what appeared to be cakes and pastries.</p><p>“None of us have eaten yet, and what better way to start the night than with cakes and coffee? Jongie, I got you an iced vanilla latte, I hope that’s okay?” He could see the other take a tall glass from the tray, putting it in front of him with a smile, which Jonghyun quickly returned.</p><p>“That’s great, thank you. Iced coffee is always good.”</p><p>Aaron didn’t respond verbally as he sat down and started explaining to him what cake was where, using the clock system again to help him figure it out, before Jonghyun decided on taking the small, single portion cream cake with glossy, bright red fruits scattered over it. He saw Mingi and Aaron pick a cake of their own too, and they fell into a comfortable silence as they ate and drank their coffee, waiting for the others to join them regardless of how long that took.</p><p>The silence wasn’t awkward at all, especially with the general background noise of the cafe around them. Before too long at all, a tall, dark figure approached them and sat down next to Jonghyun, placing a mug down and reaching over for one of the remaining pastries.</p><p>“Dongho, we don’t even get a hello before you start stealing our food? Rude!” Mingi laughed from across from him, which Dongho only grunted a greeting through a mouth full of pastry in response. Once he’d swallowed audibly, then he properly replied.</p><p>“Hi, Mingi. Aaron-hyung, Jongie, you too. Sorry, hungry. Long day.”</p><p>Aaron laughed a little, sounding amused. “Don’t apologise, it’s fine. Mingi’s just got a stick up his butt because he wanted that pastry.”</p><p>“You’ve already had cake.”</p><p>“So??” Mingi sounded offended, but at least jokingly so, so Jonghyun allowed himself to continue to be relaxed. That was until he felt a gaze on him, glancing unfocused eyes up to see Dongho turned towards him, motionless, but he couldn’t tell the expression on his features.</p><p>“Um…is everything okay?” He questioned carefully, not missing the snicker coming from across the table from one of the other two. He couldn’t tell which one it was, but he knew they were amused.</p><p>“Your hair.”</p><p>“Yes…?”</p><p>“It’s blue.”</p><p>“It is.” Aaron confirmed, and another snicker came, which Jonghyun now knew was probably Mingi. </p><p>Dongho didn’t say anything else, and Jonghyun did his best to keep himself relaxed. This wasn’t a bad thing, Dongho didn’t suddenly hate him because he had different hair. It was fine. </p><p>“You good there, buddy?” Aaron asked, but Jonghyun could tell it wasn’t directed towards him. </p><p>Dongho didn’t answer, at least not verbally, and Mingi was still laughing. “I think we broke him, hyung. He can’t look away from Jonghyun at all!”</p><p>“He’ll get over it soon,” Aaron responded, although he sounded amused too. “Minhyun did, although he had to focus on work. I think they like it either way.”</p><p>“Definitely like. Yup.” Dongho responded, a little too fast, and that only set Mingi and Aaron off giggling again. Thankfully, he was seeming to snap out of it now as he went back to his pastry and Jonghyun no longer felt like he was under so much scrutiny. It was only hair, and he really didn’t know how he looked with it anyway, so he couldn’t quite understand why the others were having the reaction they were. It was just hair.</p><p>Another coffee, and some sort of sugary pastry, later, Minhyun had joined them at the table. No longer in his dark work clothes and green apron, his blond hair was dishevelled and wild, but he seemed happy. Tired, but excited about the night ahead of them.</p><p>While Minhyun seemed excited though, Jonghyun still felt like an impostor. It was their date night, and he’d for whatever reason had been invited. He felt like an intruder, and the night hadn’t even begun yet.</p><p>He wasn’t really aware of them all leaving the coffee shop and being ferried into various cars, but he knew he was once again with Aaron and Mingi for the journey back. He didn’t really snap out of the daze once they’d gotten back to the apartment either, which of the two apartments he wasn’t really sure, being guided down on to the couch by a concerned sounding Dongho.</p><p>“Hey, you alright? You’re kinda out of it. Do you feel sick?”</p><p>Shaking his head a little with a small smile, Jonghyun raised his gaze up to focus as much as he could on the other’s face. “N-no, no I’m okay.”</p><p>“Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“Just…” Jonghyun glanced around a little, trying to make sure that none of the others were around. The other three were there, but they weren’t focused on him and Dongho. In fact, Aaron and Mingi seemed to be telling Minhyun about their hair dye adventures earlier that day, and Mingi was definitely making the story more exciting than it actually was, as if he were telling an exciting fairy tale rather than foul smelling liquids being pushed through his hair. “Are you sure about this? Me joining in tonight, that is? It feels… it feels like I’m not welcome.”</p><p>Jonghyun couldn’t see Dongho’s face, but he heard the frown just through the soft spoken words. “Who’s making you feel unwelcome? We all agreed to invite you tonight.”</p><p>“N-no, none of you have made me feel this way. I guess… I guess I’m making me feel unwelcome?” When Dongho didn’t say anything, Jonghyun tried to elaborate a little more. “I mean like… you guys are together. All four of you are in a relationship. Date night should be about you guys, not about trying to hang out with me, right? Aren’t I interrupting something?”</p><p>Dongho was silent for another few seconds, before letting out a short chuckle. “Jonghyun, calm down. All four of us want you here. It was a unanimous agreement. You’re not interrupting anything, I promise you that from the bottom of my heart. It’s okay, you can relax.”</p><p>Jonghyun didn’t reply for a moment, and then he felt warm, large hands on his upper arms, careful thumbs gently rubbing at the tense muscles of his shoulders. He expected to want to flinch away from the touch, to reject the gentle comfort, but all he wanted to do was lean closer. To accept what Dongho was offering. </p><p>So he did. Leaning a little closer towards the other, Jonghyun felt those arms move and wrap around him a bit more firmly. He wasn’t trapped or being squeezed tightly, but the hold was… more certain, less tentative and worried that he’d react poorly. Jonghyun didn’t want to pull away.</p><p>He leaned against Dongho’s chest like that for a while, just listening to the other three chat amongst themselves but barely paying attention to the words, before the television flickered to life and someone, from the pink Jonghyun could see, probably Mingi, began flipping through channels. A short stint of bickering broke out as Minhyun tried to get the controller away from Mingi, stating that it was his turn to choose what they watched for the date night, and it didn’t take Mingi long to give up and let the other have the remote at all. Especially once Aaron had stepped in to confirm it was Minhyun’s turn to choose. </p><p>It only took a few moments before the sound of a drama opening was playing in the apartment. Dongho moved a little from where he was sat with Jonghyun on the couch, moving to the further end without letting go of him and getting comfortable with Jonghyun against his chest. The said blind man felt… the slightest bit uncomfortable with the position, but the comfort and safety it gave greatly outweighed how weird it felt, so he didn’t really attempt to move. Soon, there was a warmth and a weight to his other side. He recognised the form as Aaron’s, pressing against him as the other two joined at the other end, their weight all on top of each other, limbs tangled and wrapped around in comfort.</p><p>He was in the cuddle pile on the couch that he’d witnessed previously.</p><p>None of them seemed tense or uncomfortable with his presence there, Aaron didn’t seem to be hesitating to press his head into the small of his waist, and Dongho’s arms hadn’t moved from their hug around him. Minhyun’s hand had been pulled over and was gripping onto Jonghyun’s shirt, somewhere around his shoulder.</p><p>Jonghyun felt warm.</p><p>He felt safe.</p><p>He was partially paying attention to whatever the voices on the screen were saying, but he found his brain felt too fuzzy to really care. It felt as though there was nothing but cotton wool between his ears, soft and squishy and warm. The feel of Dongho’s chest moving with his breaths beneath him, the soft caressing of Aaron’s hand in his hair, the light mumblings of conversation between Minhyun and Mingi. It was so overwhelming, but so right at the same time.</p><p>He heard movement, and then the sound from the television changed, now including the audio description once more.</p><p>“Sorry,” Minhyun said, although his tone was quiet, as though unwilling to break the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. “Forgot to turn it on.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Jonghyun responded, and his voice sounded weird even to him. It was a little slurred, a little sleepy. “You don’t need to turn it on.”</p><p>“We want to.” Aaron’s voice was so close that it sent shivers down Jonghyun’s spine, and it was then he decided not to argue the point any further. </p><p>Time passed quickly in the cuddle pile, although Jonghyun wasn’t sure if it was because he was so warm, comfortable, and unwilling for the night to end. Or, if it was because he kept dozing off in Dongho’s grip. Logic told him it was probably a mix of both.</p><p>But as quickly as it had begun, Aaron was moving away from him, the pressure against his scalp leaving while Dongho gently removed the grip around him.</p><p>“Jonghyun?” Dongho’s voice drifted, lazily in his ears. “You awake?”</p><p>“Mmm.” Jonghyun’s reply was non-committal. Because, unfortunately, he was awake. He didn’t want to be, but he was. He was warm, he was comfortable, and he didn’t want to move. “’Ome ba’..”</p><p>“What was that?” Minhyun sounded amused, and Jonghyun didn’t know what was funny.</p><p>“Come back.”</p><p>Dongho laughed from underneath Jonghyun’s head, and he couldn’t help but pout at the movement of his pillow. The more they moved and spoke to him, the more awake he felt, and that was the exact opposite of what he wanted.</p><p>“Come on, you need to get back to your bed. It’s gotten late. Minhyun will walk you back, okay?” </p><p>As Dongho spoke to him, he carefully sat up, moving Jonghyun with him to be sat up too. As unhappy as he was about the disruption, Jonghyun did comply with the movement and allowed himself to be sat up, a figure moving to kneel in front of him.</p><p>“You’re really out of it, huh? Sleepy?” Minhyun asked, a smile still on his lips. Minhyun was really pretty, Jonghyun mused as he focused as much as he could on the other’s face. He was soft and gentle, but the features Jonghyun could see were striking. The neutral tones he wore were misleading for how Minhyun really was, but they also matched him perfectly. A reassuring, gentle presence.</p><p>“Jonghyun?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You are really sleepy, huh?” A chuckle from Minhyun, and then hands were on his shoulders, guiding him to his feet. “Let’s get you to bed, alright?”</p><p>“But it’s date night. You said you wanted me here.” Jonghyun knew he sounded whiny. But… he was sad. He didn’t want to go back to his own apartment, alone and away from the strong arms and careful hugs.</p><p>“It was date night, and we did want you here. Don’t worry!” Mingi’s voice came from Jonghyun’s left, seemingly much more energetic than he felt. “But date night is over now, it’s super late, it’s okay. We’ll see you soon!”</p><p>“Stay here?”</p><p>“Not tonight, Jonghyun.” Aaron’s voice was firm, but still gentle in tone. He knew there was no arguing there, even if he didn’t know why he was being rejected.</p><p>Hadn’t they wanted him? They’d asked him to stay, they’d wanted him there for date night. So why was he being thrown out now with such finality?</p><p>Didn’t they want him now? </p><p>Had he let his walls down too early? Let himself get too comfortable too fast and pushed them away?</p><p>The thought sent a spike of anxiety deep into his stomach.</p><p>He must have fucked it up.</p><p>Minhyun’s hands didn’t leave his shoulder as Jonghyun was guided out of the apartment and towards his own, the other easily pushing his door open for him. “Do you want me to take you inside or will you be okay?”</p><p>“I’ll be fine, Minhyun. Thanks.”</p><p>“It’s okay, Jonghyunie.” Why was Minhyun still being so nice? He’d messed it up. He shouldn’t be sounding so nice still. Jonghyun hoped he wasn’t being led on this whole time. “Get some sleep, okay? We’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Will you?” Jonghyun’s reply came out without it meaning to, and immediately he felt like he should have just stayed quiet. He should have just stayed in his apartment and kept to himself. </p><p>Soft lips pressed against his cheek.</p><p>“We will.”</p><p>Jonghyun wasn’t so sure.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the longest chapter so far at nearly 5,000 words! I hope it makes up for last week's chapter being so short&lt;3</p><p>And I did actually get it finished in time for you all! However I have absolutely 0 backlog now, I haven't even started chapter 7 yet, so we'll have to see what this week of work is like to see if I actually get next week's ready on time I'm sorry :((((</p><p>But!!! Romanticize!!! Is less than 24 hours away!!! So far from the pre-lisenings, Don't Wanna Go, Earphone, and Doom Doom are my favourites. Stream Romanticize at 6pm KST on 19/04/21 please and thank you&lt;3&lt;3</p><p>Thank you for all the comments recently too! I honestly tear up every time I get one, knowing people are enjoying this makes me so so happy&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Evening by Evening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They need to talk to Jonghyun.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay so I'm sorry for the nearly like... month gap after I'd been uploading weekly. I just hadn't been able to get the energy to write for a while, but since I've been off work the past week I bribed myself with not being allowed to play New Pokemon Snap before I finished this chapter and it worked! </p><p>I now however have mostly completed New Pokemon Snap and am currently just picking off the last few pokemon and the last few star rankings because I have a problem...and Immortals Fenyx Rising took over my life so there's that too.</p><p>Enjoy the chapter&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The audio book playing in Jonghyun’s ears was a good distraction from the war raging in his mind. </p><p>He still didn’t quite understand what had happened the night before. He thought everything had been going fine, that the night had gone smoothly. He’d at least been very comfortable, the anxiety and over-thinking that he usually dealt with had been deafened with the comfort that the others had brought. But it appeared the others hadn’t felt the same, as he’d been thrown out unceremoniously when he’d expected to be offered to stay. It wasn’t like he hadn’t already slept with the others, by accident, so why had last night been any different? Why had they felt so strongly about it to wake him up and move him back to his own place when they’d been so sure that they wanted him there.</p><p>And then there was the feel of Minhyun’s lips against his cheek when they’d separated at his door the night before. Why had the other kissed him like that? Right after forcing him to leave? The mixed signals were killing him. He didn’t know what to think, or what the situation meant. Where could he even begin? With his own confusion on his feeling, and now all the mixed signals throwing him through the loop… Jonghyun missed his family even more. </p><p>Reaching over to his phone, Jonghyun turned the volume of the audio book up in order to try and drown out his thoughts a little more, before focusing his attention back upon the canvas in front of him. He’d been too distracted to do anything major on the white fabric so far, but he knew if he wanted to feel better, he had to divert his focus towards it. If his audio book and his painting couldn’t make him feel better, he knew it was a lost cause.</p><p>Grabbing the pot of neon pink paint, Jonghyun carefully poured a few dollops on the canvas, being as careful as he can to not overload it or spill the paint on the floor just yet, before repeating the process with a bright blue, green, and then yellow afterwards. There was no coordination or planning when he put the paint on the canvas, just letting the colour fall where it wanted to. Then, he picked up a larger pot filled with a deep black, and began to pour it wherever he could still see the plain white of the canvas. He knew now that paint was falling on to the floor around it, but that was fine. He’d tarped up the floor anyway, so it didn’t really matter as long as he was careful where he put his hands and knees. Once most of the white was covered, Jonghyun picked up the canvas with gentle hands and began to tilt it slowly around, watching as the paint slid around, mixed in places, but the bright colours stayed neon beside the black. Jonghyun was careful to not continue this process for too long, only enough to where a lot of the excess paint had dripped off and the colours had spread, but where not yet looking murky to his own gaze. </p><p>Satisfied with his work, Jonghyun put the canvas down and began to pull up the tarp, only for an annoying voice to interrupt his book through his earphones.</p><p>‘Text received from: Dongho. Message body is: Hey Jonghyunie. Will you come over to my apartment?’</p><p>Jonghyun froze from his position of cleaning his work space, wondering if he’d heard the message wrong. But once he’d asked his phone to repeat the message, he discovered he hadn’t. The idea of going over filled his chest with anxiety. Why did they want him over now? Minhyun had said he’d see them tomorrow, but he wasn’t sure how much of that was a good thing or not. His gut was telling him it wasn’t a good thing.</p><p>He’d messed up, he’s upset them or taken something too far, and now they were going to ask him to stop hanging out with them. He’d opened himself up to them and all that had done was pushed them all away. Now he was going to have to go over, and sit there straight faced while he was told they didn’t want to see him anymore, while they told him to start making his own way to the post office, and no longer waiting for Minhyun to finish work at the cafe. He was going to be all alone again, right as he’d just started to feel needed by someone other than his sisters.</p><p>With a quick instruction to his phone to text Dongho back that he was on his way, Jonghyun quickly paused his book and washed the paint off his hands, splashing some of the warm, soapy water on his face too for good measure. God knows where he’d gotten paint, but this piece hadn’t been as messy on his skin as some of them often were, it was more his floor that was the issue. But he could finish pulling up the tarp and cleaning up later, when the others weren’t waiting for him.</p><p>When they’d probably stop waiting for him entirely.</p><p>Grabbing the neon pink cane leaning against the wall by his door, Jonghyun made his way out of his apartment and took the short few steps towards Dongho’s own. He could hear voices coming from inside, but they were distant and muffled enough to where he didn’t quite know what was being said. Since he’d already told Dongho he was on his way, he didn’t see the need to knock as he pushed the unlocked door open and made his way inside, swiping his cane ahead of him as he did to make sure no-one had left anything he could trip over. Once he stepped inside the apartment, the voices stopped.</p><p>Biting on his bottom lip, Jonghyun made his way through the apartment towards the couches, where he could see the other four all sat. They weren’t lying on top of each other any more, in fact, they were barely touching at all. Their body language from what Jonghyun could see seemed… guarded and closed off. They all seemed uncomfortable. And they’d definitely stopped talking amongst each other too, the silence now seemed deafening.</p><p>When no-one said anything, Jonghyun carefully lowered himself down on to an arm chair, away from where the other four sat. It wasn’t that he was actively avoiding them and didn’t want to sit by them, but with the tension in the room, that seemed… a bit more anxiety inducing than he could deal with right now. </p><p>Even once he’d sat down and leaned the cane against his knees, trying to seem more relaxed than he was, none of the others spoke. In fact, none of them even seemed to be looking at them. Mingi’s pink, fluffy head was turned away from him, seeming to be looking over at Minhyun who’s head was tilted towards the floor instead. Aaron seemed to have found a very interesting spot on the ceiling, and Dongho was staring at his own hands, which he seemed to be picking at, but Jonghyun couldn’t work out what on his hands he was picking at. When the silence continued for another whole minute, Jonghyun cleared his throat.</p><p>“So… what’s going on?” </p><p>Mingi and Dongho both started talking at once, before both stopping at the same time. When they tried to go again, the same happened, neither waiting for the other to start but both stopping at the same time. Jonghyun wished they’d just communicate and figure out who was going to talk so the ball of fear in his stomach could be made at least a little smaller.</p><p>“We just…wanted to talk to you.” Minhyun piped up once the other two still couldn’t decide who was going to talk. “Seriously talk to you, okay? Is that alright?”</p><p>Jonghyun swallowed hard. “I guess?”</p><p>“You’re scaring the crap out of him, Minhyun.” Aaron said, although his tone didn’t seem neither harsh nor amused. In fact, he sounded just as anxious as Jonghyun felt. </p><p>Minhyun seemed to go and continue, but was quickly cut off by Mingi, who seemed to have lost patience and just wanted to get to the point. “I like you, Jonghyun. A lot.” </p><p>“Me too.” Minhyun added after a moment.</p><p>“And me.” Dongho.</p><p>“Yeah, and me. All of us like you, Jonghyun.” Aaron.</p><p>Jonghyun stayed quiet for a moment, waiting for them to continue. But when none of them did, he chewed on his bottom lip. “But…?” There had to be more than that. Maybe an ‘I like you but we need to cut this off,’ or a ‘but five is too many for us to deal with,’ or even a ‘but not in the way you think we like you.’</p><p>Minhyun sounded confused as he responded. “But? There’s not a ‘but’, Jonghyun. All four of us like you, like, a lot.”</p><p>“We were talking last night after you went home and… and we want you to join us. If you want to.” Aaron continued, sounding a lot calmer than his body language would say. “We want you to be part of what we have, at least, to try for a bit. See if it fits? You don’t have to, Jonghyun, honestly. We don’t even know if you feel the same about us, or if you want this. We just… we need to talk about it, yeah?”</p><p>Jonghyun didn’t answer.</p><p>His tongue felt swollen and useless, and he could no longer control the speed in which his breaths were coming. His heart felt too fast, as if it was about to burst from his ribs and tap dance on the floor in front of him. But it wasn’t with excitement. The ball of fear in his stomach had grown, not shrunk, and it was causing a tremor in his hands that he couldn’t stop.</p><p>“Jonghyun?” Mingi sounded scared. “Are you alright? You’ve gone a bit pale.”</p><p>He wasn’t okay. He wasn’t okay at all but he couldn’t really voice it. He couldn’t explain why either. Why was this realisation that they liked him scaring him so much? Why was it causing this reaction? He didn’t know what he was feeling, apart from the fact he was certain the walls of Dongho’s apartment were closing in on him. He was certain his heart was about to stop and he was about to die then and there in front of him if he didn’t leave, if he didn’t escape.</p><p>So he did. Ignoring the sounds of confusion from the others, Jonghyun stumbled to his feet while grabbing his cane in a smooth motion and made his way out of the apartment that was too stuffy, too warm. For a split second, he’d lost understanding of surroundings and was fearful that he wouldn’t be able to find the door out, but thankfully his muscle memory took over and he had no issues as he got into the bright corridor, walking quickly away while struggling to settle his breaths. It felt like his lungs were being constricted, held within a vice grip threatening to suffocate. He could hear footsteps behind him, heavy and panicked, but it only caused Jonghyun to speed up as he got to the stairs and made his way down. He was taking the steps too fast, risking losing his footing and falling if he wasn’t careful, but the need to get into fresh air greatly outweighed his safety right now.</p><p>“Jonghyun! Please, wait!” It was Dongho behind him, but the other’s concern did nothing to make him slow down. Jonghyun stumbled a little on the last step, but he kept moving, soon outside in the cold Seoul air where rain was pouring without restraint. “Jonghyun, please stop!” </p><p>Dongho’s wish was forcefully answered as a hand gripped his left wrist, forcing him to stop his frenzied panic to escape. Once he was stationary, chest heaving with breaths that just weren’t quite able to catch, Jonghyun could feel the hot tears flooding his eyes. They overflowed within a second, quickly mixing with the rain water soaking his face as he was unable to prevent the sobs hiccuping from his lips.</p><p>“Jonghyun, please, calm down. What’s wrong? What happened? Are you alright?”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head in response, tightening his grip on his cane while knawing down on his lip, a vain attempt to stop the sobs. The sensitive skin on his bottom lip was beginning to burn, and he knew he was breaking it and blood was beginning to bead, but he couldn’t stop either. He had to try and control his breakdown, he had to stop crying.</p><p>But Dongho’s hand made it’s way to his upper arm, warm and soothing as he carefully stroked the cold, exposed skin there. His sobs only grew harsher, tugging at the grip Dongho had on his wrist to try and escape, but the other didn’t release him. </p><p>“Please, talk to me. We can help, you just need to tell me what’s wrong. Please, Jonghyunie. We didn’t mean to upset you like this. I’m sorry, I thought you were feeling the same way.”</p><p>“I-I’m not, I-I mean, I am…! I don’t know, Dongho! I don’t know what I’m feeling, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want! I don’t know if I want to be with you or run away back home, I don’t know if I have feelings for one of you or all four of you, I don’t know how to deal with any of this! We were happy, we were comfortable. I was comfortable!” Another sob ripped from his throat, interrupting him as his voice cracked. Jonghyun couldn’t will the energy to be embarrassed about it. “I think I want to be with you all but I don’t know. I’ve never been with anyone before, let along four people at once! I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know if I like you. I-I don’t know what to do, Dongho…!”</p><p>As his sobs continued, throat burning from the strain, Dongho didn’t say anything. He moved as if about to pull Jonghyun into a hug, but seemed to reject the idea at the last moment, instead keeping his distance while trying to comfort with the soft touches on his arm. He didn’t try to respond at first, but he also still wasn’t releasing his wrist, and Jonghyun was beginning to shiver from the cold rain drenching his t-shirt as well as the tremors from his crying.</p><p>“You need some time, that’s okay.” Dongho said carefully, although his tone was controlled. “It’s okay, alright? But please, if you need time and space, do it inside. It’s cold, and wet today. You’re going to get sick if you stay out here. Please, let’s go inside, alright? You don’t have to come back to my place, I’ll tell the others to leave you alone to think. Just… just come to us when you know, okay? We won’t pressure you, we won’t hound you for an answer. Just… just please look after yourself. Don’t get sick.”</p><p>Jonghyun hesitated for a moment, before giving a small nod. His lungs still ached, but the sobs were starting to settle. He wasn’t okay, by any stretch of the imagination, but exhaustion was beginning to overtake the upset. His hand hurt from the strength in which he was gripping the cane, but he couldn’t loosen it yet. Not when he felt so vulnerable, so exposed.</p><p>But it wasn’t a good vulnerable anymore, not like it had been the night before. He wasn’t comfortable in his vulnerability anymore.</p><p>“Come on, let’s go inside, okay? I’ll just take you back to your apartment, you don’t owe us anything just yet. You don’t owe us anything at all. Just… just relax.”</p><p>When Jonghyun nodded again, Dongho began to move. He didn’t let go of Jonghyun’s wrist still, the hand on his cold arm didn’t move either, but he began to guide him inside back into the warm, bright hallway and carefully up the stairs. His whole body was trembling now, and going up the stairs was turning out to be harder than coming down them had been, but they got up on to their floor without any casualties and Dongho finally let go of him once they were outside his door.</p><p>“I’ll talk to the others, just… just come find us if you need to talk, okay? About anything. Our door is always open to you. Or you can text us if you need to, anything, okay?”</p><p>With a small nod, Jonghyun pushed his apartment door open. He was too tired to want to talk any longer, too tired to want to even think about his feelings. His eyes and throat still burned, and his tears hadn’t quite stopped yet either. But he didn’t want to think about it anymore. He just wanted to sleep. “I will, thanks, Dongho.”</p><p>“Are… Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”</p><p>Dongho seemed hesitant to leave. But Jonghyun decided to make that decision for him as he stepped into his apartment, and closed the door behind him, shutting himself off from Dongho’s view as he dropped his cane and slid down the door he was leaning against, hands tangled into his hair. He tried to stop the tears. Tried to stop the anxiety and stress. Tried to stop thinking. Tried to be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I do still have another week off work, two weeks of annual leave has been great as its the first proper break I've had from work (that isn't a whole company shutdown thing like Christmas is) since I started there nearly a year ago, so I will try to get this story finished off since we only have one chapter left and a very short epilogue... but I'm not going to promise any time for the last few to be uploaded because my mental health is in the gutter right now and writing energy takes a lot to conjure up, a lot more than it used to take anyway.</p><p>I hope you enjoyed, I'm sorry again about the wait, and hopefully you'll stick with me until Jonghyun is happy again&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Originally this was going to be completely finished by the time I started uploading... BUT I work in finance stuff and its end of tax year, which may as well be a retail christmas. Free time? Don't know her. Stress levels? Ultimate high. My personal life also exploded in my face a few weeks ago which ended up resulting in a two week mess of panic attacks, not sleeping, not eating, you know, all that fun stuff :D I'm doing a lot better now though! It's just getting motivation back to do anything while work is a LOT and I only really have like... half a day a week of proper free time to sit down and write.</p>
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<p>I hope you enjoyed and have a good NU'EST day today&lt;3</p>
<p>Support the boys through thick and thin. LOVE will never give up on NU'EST, and NU'EST are never going to give up on LOVE. </p>
<p>Stream their full album in April please and thank you&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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